How to Crush on a Teacher
We’ve all been there. We’ve all had gnawing crushes on teachers that just won’t go away. So, what do you do about them? We’ve got some tips and tricks that’ll help make the most of your crush … without crossing any lines!
First things first: Be assured that nothing can or will ever come of your crush! Your crush is entirely in your sweet little head. But there are things you can do to channel your feelings into positive outcomes and use them to your advantage. (Think: good grades!)
1. Show up early. Chances are, you’ll want to get up close and personal with said teacher (again, without crossing any lines.) So the best thing to do is get to class super early and get the best seat in the house. (Front row, center!)
Here’s the hard part: if your teacher is that crush-worthy, he or she likely has a legion of fans—i.e., you’ve got some serious competition. So if your class starts at, say, 9:00am, there may be a line of others outside the classroom who want the best seat, too. Beat them to the punch and get there before they do! (It may be as early as 6:00am, but your crush is worth it, right?)
Once you have a good view and a great seat, make sure to raise your hand and answer questions. A lot. You’re out to impress this catch, right? Make sure you do your homework. Don’t over-do it—like, don’t read every book and short story by J.D. Salinger if the assignment is to just read “The Catcher in the Rye.” You don’t want to anger your competition … or make the teacher think you’re trying too hard. Be cool. Be yourself. But be alert! That means no snoozing, no missing a beat! And remember the goal: to get good grades and make yourself stand out from your classmates.
2. Do lots of extra credit. Don’t do things that the teacher doesn’t ask for, however. But when exams have extra credit questions, by golly, do them! And on papers: watch your punctuation, your syntax, your use of slang (i.e., don’t use it), and your presentation. That means making term papers as pretty looking as possible. Invest in cool folders, covers, and paper. Parchment paper is nice. Especially when your paper is about something olden-timey, like “Wuthering Heights.” It’s nice to match the paper’s topic with the color and texture of the actual paper.
3. Be sweet. Do you like to bake? Now you do. Find out what the teacher likes to eat in the way of sweets and learn how to make it. Flawlessly. Follow the recipe perfectly—don’t get creative unless your mother is Martha Stewart. Bring enough of the baked goods so everyone in the class can have some. Hint: this tip is especially useful around exam time! Kissing butt during exam time is key!
4. Be creative. Are you an artist? Now you are. Paint a portrait of the teacher in art class. Or sculpt his or her head in clay. See if your school will let you display your creation somewhere public, like the library. It’s not creepy, it’s art! And again, it’ll earn you major points with your crush! Is it going to far? Maybe. So don’t make the painting or sculpture too big. 8 X 10 will suffice for the painting.
5. Join in. Like extracurricular activities? Now you do. Join the drama club, the debate team, the football or soccer team, or the Justin Bieber society. Sign up to be a tutor. Sign up for talent shows. I-M-P-R-E-S-S! Pretty soon, all the buzz will be about you and how great and giving and talented you are. Translation: fantastic grades. Plus, your popularity will be through the roof!
Remember that all crushes are fleeting—and not to be confused with love. By the time you get through all of our tips, you’ll probably have a crush on someone else altogether (and maybe someone your own age). Until then, enjoy your newfound popularity and your fantastic grades … and the new Lexus your parents are going to buy you for being such an academic superstar!
Do you have a crush on a teacher?