When SparkLife's own Chelsea Dagger asked me to cover the Twitter beat during the VMAs, I told her to name the time and place and I'd be there yesterday. She responded by saying both the time and place are clearly self-evident in the assignment. So they are, Chief. So. They. Are. Here are some of my favorite tweets from last night’s VMAs.
@katyperry: IF ONE DIRECTION DOESN'T PERFORM ON THE VMA'S I AM GONNA JUMP OFF THIS LEDGE
Ha, turns out she was just joshing. Perry also had the honor of presenting the first award of the night. What kind of tone would the possible girlfriend of the always classy John Mayer set? Let's find out!
Katy Perry: "Pop, if you don't know is short for popular, so these videos are like the popular kids in high school which means that at their ten-year high school reunion they'll probably all be fat, broke, and bald. Thankfully, for me, I've never won in this category.”
Fun! You managed to blatantly insult all popular, fat, broke, and bald people, while also subtly insulting MTV and all of the nominees for the award in which you're presenting! All in 15 seconds! Oh KP, you’re such a fiiiiiirework.
@taylorswift13: VMA dressing room report: exceptional snack selection. SCORE.
Thanks a lot, MTV. All you had to do was “forget” to leave out a few ruffled potato chips and in six months we’d have all been singing along to Swifty’s new hit single: You Ruffled the Feathers (of My Heart).
@frank_ocean: The VMAs remind me of prom.
Who's not watching an MTV series titled Celebrity Prom? Carly Rae Jepsen and Drake awkwardly slow dancing to Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson arguing in the bathroom. Diddy throwing an after-party at the club. This series is a no-brainer! Get your act together, MTV!
Speaking of Robert Pattinson, what in the world is that crazy cat up to? Can someone please tell me!?
@RobPattzNews: Rob is now backstage! #VMAs
Excellent! Anything else?
@RobPattzNews: There's Rob!!!! Backstage
Got it. I’ll check in with you later. Former trapper of parents and current mean girl, Lindsay Lohan is no stranger to videos, music, or awards, tweeting:
@lindsaylohan: I am so glad that @chrisbrown won at the VMAS
You took the words right out of nobody’s mouth, Freaky Friday.
Thus far I give the VMAs a grade of “I’ve watched it.” What do you think, MTV?
News of that magnitude should be accompanied by no less than 12 exclamation points! Also, stab in the dark, but is your "#VMAInsider" just a television set? Speaking of Robert Pattinson, he’s finally on stage, right?
@RobPattzNews: Rob is meeting the US Womens Gymnastics team backstage.
Neat. Thanks for the…
@RobPattzNews: He's talking to the girls in the U.S. gymnastic Olympic team :) #VMA
…update. Cool. Alright, well I’m going to get back to my review…
@RobPattzNews: Rob was taking a sip of his drink and chillin' for a few minutes before he was ushered away. All smiles! :) #VMA
Hey, @RobPattzNews relax. Breathe. He’s not a real handsome vampire. He’s just handsome. Moving on…
@iamdiddy: For the record whoever is promoting me at a club in la for a MTV party could you stop. I'm not having a party tonight! NO PARTY!
Whoops. I'm sorry P. Daddio. That one's on me.
@MileyCyrus: How do y'all feel about me confirming a single for this year!!!! ❤❤❤❤
First, thank you for asking. Second, are you for serious? Because my best friend Lesley said, "Oh she's just being Miley."
Okay, I’m fairly certain my job is done here. Katy Perry, want to insult anybody else before I leave your twitter page forever?
You're consistent, @RobPattzNews. I'll give you that.
Did you enjoy the VMAs? Why was the usually elegant Taylor Swift dressed like Waldo? What is Robert Pattinson doing right now!? Is he backstage?!