Following the smash success of singing leprechaun Justin Bieber's Girlfriend perfume, we predict an explosion in celebrity scents this fall—because nothing says "back to school" like smelling like a famous person who just rolled in freesia petals. If you're reading this and are a celebrity, call us today! We will design your perfume and only take most of the profits. For now, here's our celebrity perfume wish list:
Louis Tomlinson's "Curfew." Created by steeping a lime-scented car tree in Axe Body Spray, this sensuous cologne will be marketed to high schools, where it will be sold out of wall dispensers located in every boy's bathroom. Also found in the bulk aisle of Costco.
Darren Criss's "Snow Day." Pine resin + hot cocoa + burning wood = a bottled fantasy that you're snowed into a cabin with Darren Criss. Warning: wearing this may lead to extended breaks from reality.
Lindsay Lohan's "Burnout." This limited-edition scent will combine notes of day-old pizza, angry bouncers, and just a splash of the much more successful Beyonce perfume that somebody left in the back of Lohan's impounded car. Every bottle comes with a pair of Lohan-designed leggings and the contractual obligation to publicly wear them.
Kristen Stewart's "Sullen." Overtones of Converse sneaker canvas and Visine, with a base note of storms rolling in.
Taylor Swift's "So Literal." Just bubble gum, glitter, and pages from a rhyming dictionary stuffed into a pink glass bottle. Add water, shake, apply.
Ryan Lochte's "Ambition." A bouquet of chlorine, freshly printed money, hair gel, and sweat, Ambition is the cologne of choice for your next reality-show audition or nine-hour workout. Now with 5,000 calories in every bottle!
Channing Tatum's "Handsome Guy." Housed in a bottle-shaped bottle that's sorta brownish black, Handsome Guy will smell like cologne, be sold at department stores, and work pretty well if you want to smell nice.
Lea Michele's "Footlights." This heady blend of dead roses and pancake makeup is sure to make every girl feel like a Broadway star. A dollar from every sale goes toward supporting Cory Monteith's hairspray habit.
What celebrity fragrance do you wish existed? We'd totes buy a Joseph Gordon-Levitt perfume. Just sayin'.