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5 Unexpected Benefits of Breaking Up

5 Unexpected Benefits of Breaking Up

By Josh Sorokach

Generally, people view breakups as a negative experience. Understandable—after all, a breakup is someone you care about literally telling you, "Nope, no more." The important thing to remember is that it happens to everybodyTom Hanks, Mr. Seuss (pre-doctorate degree), Tom Brady, your gym teacher, Dr. Seuss (post-doctorate degree)—everybody. Instead of dwelling on the bad, let's focus on the good; here are 5 unexpected benefits of breaking up.

1. Guilt-Free Consumption of Awful Movies

It's time to play America's favorite new game: “Seriously, This is Real Dialogue from the movie “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!"

- "Tad Hamilton is an actor. How do you know he's not acting with you?"

- "Pete told me if I ever hurt you, that he would tear me into pieces with his bare hands or with his rhetoric.

- "You have five smiles, Pete. One when you think someone’s an idiot. One when you think someone's REALLY an idiot. One when you're singing to Barry White. One when you're getting all dressed up. And one when you're looking at me."

Five smiles? Well, I have seven frowns, and normally I’d experience every single one of them while watching this movie, but it's proven fact that bad movies help ease the pain of a broken heart.  You may have lost in love, but you won a date… with Tad Hamilton.

2. The Potential to Meet Someone New

A fun mental exercise for the newly single to play is the “What If” game. For example, “What if I run into Hollywood Adorable-ite Emma Stone at Starbucks?” We’re now free to have this exchange:

Emma Stone: Hey sugar-daddy, I like the way you motor, ya dig?

Josh: I do indeed dig, pretty-baby. Let’s say you and I shake it on out of here and grab ourselves a cup of joe?

Emma Stone: I thought you’d never ask, sugarplum.

Why are Emma Stone and I talking like 1960’s gangsters? Fantastic question. It’s a cute game we play. Why am I taking her for coffee when we met in a Starbucks? Because that’s the fun of the “What If” game! It doesn’t have to make logical sense. Will Emma Stone and I ever date? Yes. Most likely. But on the off chance we don’t, my odd, delusional mind isn’t hurting anybody.

3.  Becoming an Expert

Sleeping can be difficult when nursing a broken heart, so harness all the energy normally spent on lying still for eight consecutive hours and become an expert! An expert in what, exactly? Anything—bears, the television series Gossip Girl, Edgar Allan Pole Vaulting—it's dealer’s choice! Also, one of the previous examples may be fictitious. (Hint: it's bears. They're just an urban legend.)

Becoming an expert has its advantages. You’re allowed to confidently chuckle at people and say things like, “Oh, I’m sorry, are you an expert at deep sea fishing?” If that person is in fact an expert at deep sea fishing, I suggest retreating from the conversation as quickly as possible.

4. Learning a New Skill

"She dumped *me*? She will rue the day she left me after she finds out I now play the ukulele!” This is something I may or may not have said recently after a female politely declined my invitation for a lifelong cuddle-sesh. Love, much like a Youtube video specializing in self-tuning a ukulele you bought on the internet, is difficult to comprehend.

Turn the experience of someone telling you they never, ever, ever, want to be around you into an opportunity to learn. A pretty girl who’s single? Ehh, I guess I’m interested. A pretty girl who’s single and knows how to preserve her own jam?! Bring me the phone number of your most expensive wedding ring salesman!

5. Creative Inspiration

Do break-ups lead to an increase in creativity? According to my Google search: I don’t know. They probably do.  At age 22 ,Taylor Swift has been dumped an estimated 689 times. You know what she does? Wakes up, has herself a nice vegetarian farmer’s breakfast, and then writes Grammy award-winning music that my neighbors would evidently like me to listen to at a “reasonable” volume.

Hate song-writing? Write a movie. How hard could it possibly be? I’ll get your started. Boy meets girl. Girl turns out to be a dinosaur. Boy’s father hates dinosaurs. Tagline? “All is fair in love and ROAR!" Title?  Love Ex-STINKS. Stars? Taylor Lautner and Leighton Meester. BOOM. I just made 200 million dollars.

Have you ever been dumped? Did it lead to an unexpected positive experience? Can the term “Adorable-ite” please catch on? Do you want to buy my ukulele?

Topics: Life
Tags: relationships, breakups, crushes, taylor swift, funny things, breaking up, emma stone, getting over a breakup

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About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

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