With the last days of summer dwindling away, you may find yourself plagued with feelings of dread and despair. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Just take a few deep breaths into a paper bag and read on to learn why there is still life after Labor Day.
1. You have the right to a new wardrobe
With the start of a new school year, you’re practically entitled to some new threads—in fact, this may actually be written somewhere in the official “Parental Code of Conduct.” This could be the perfect opportunity to score the trendy blazer or the retro band t-shirt you’ve been eyeing. Maybe you’ve been hoping to get your hands on a Lady-Gaga-inspired Kermit the Frog cape—it’s a well-known fact that plush Muppet dolls are universally form-flattering.
If Mom gives you a hard time about it, remind her that denying you of “Back to School” shopping is a breach of the Parental Code of Conduct—this should alarm her because she probably doesn’t even realize you know about The Code.
If that doesn’t work, just hike up your pants and skirts to give the illusion that you’ve outgrown them. Maybe she doesn’t see a problem with you wearing tired old clothes from last year, but chances are she won’t let you out of the house in a pair of high-waters or booty shorts (that one’s definitely in The Code, too).
2. Everyone is pale
When class is out and most of the season’s activities revolve around soaking up rays, it’s inevitable that regular trips to the beach or to the pool can turn into an unofficial “Battle of the Bronze” among your tight-knit group of friends. But once the seasons shift and the tans begin to fade away, everyone is more or less of equal paleness (except for the year-round “Fake n’ Bakers,” or those classmates who have somehow always just returned from a cruise to the Caribbean and brought back the perfect tan as a souvenir—they are the worst!). But for the most part, the arrival of autumn means you don’t have to worry about earning the nickname “Casper the Ghost” after hanging out with some of your more sun-kissed friends.
If you do happen to be someone who tans easily, the conclusion of summer gives you a chance to erase the evidence of any embarrassing tan lines you might have acquired—like the ones that resulted from that time you fell asleep at the beach while in the middle of scratching your butt.
3. It’s the perfect time to reinvent yourself
Another school year means the chance to recreate your image, or just make some minor tweaks. Maybe you want to work more leather into your regular rotation of clothes for a more edgy look. Or perhaps, this year, you want to be known as the guy who brings his hermit crab along with him wherever he goes. The sky’s the limit (and by "the sky," we mean "the school rules on student etiquette").
4. Say ‘So long!’ to that summer job
If you’re lucky, the end of summer means the end of that crummy summer job—whether you’ve spent your days babysitting miserable brats, captaining the deep fryer at a local fast food spot, or waving to passing cars from the side of the road while wearing a giant crab suit.
If it turns out that mom and dad were expecting you to extend your seasonal gig into an all-year stint, just tell them that you really need to focus on your studies. Parents love that.
5. Wayward hair is so last season
With the exception of those who have mastered the art of beachy-waves, the summer is typically not a time for hair to thrive. Between the relentless heat and oppressive humidity, it’s not out of the ordinary for your hair to look a little something like this.
(Guys and gals with short hair, you can skip ahead to the end and just be thankful you’ve got it easy.)
Regardless of whether you have hair that’s curly, straight, wavy or any other variety, you’re at the mercy of your frizzy follicles until the crisp September air sweeps in to save you from the endless battery of bad hair days. But once it does, you and your tamed locks will be ready to take over the world!
Or at the very least, you'll look really great for school.
Are you excited for the end of summer? COME ON, EMBRACE IT.