Recently, I stumbled across a little band named One Direction and let me tell you something, these kids got it. What’s “it” exactly? One might describe it as an ineffable quality you need to personally experience to fully understand. I describe it as a musical all-you-can-eat ice cream sundae bar. After devouring their musical catalog I wanted more, so I came up with a list of television shows I’d love to see this talented group guest star on. When you're this talented it would be foolish to focus all of your genius in just… One Direction.
Whenever everyone’s finished rolling their eyes at that last sentence we can continue.
Need another minute? Take your time. I don’t blame you.
Program: “Hart of Dixie”
One Direction Member: Zayn Malik
Last season, extremely attractive fish-out-of-water Dr. Zoe Hart found herself torn between extremely attractive, shirt-averse bad boy Wade Kinsella and extremely attractive lawyer George Tucker. To make matters worse, the bad boy turned out to have a heart of gold and the lawyer was set to marry a human being with the first name Lemon! Nobody said being ridiculously good-looking would be easy.
Enter Zayn Malik, who plays former race-car driver Tad Cunningham. Tad wears backwards caps and gives relative strangers arcane literary nicknames like Dodger, Hazel, or Berenstain, so yeah, it’s safe to say he’s cool. Tad stays in town long enough to stir the pot and share a promo-inducing kiss with Female Doc Hollywood, but soon realizes his one true love is racing, and heads back to wherever it is race-car drivers live.
Program: “The Price is Right”
One Direction Member: Niall Horan
To me, summertime’s all about sleeping in, swimming, and watching copious amounts of “The Price is Right.” Growing up, I knew the exact retail price of a family-sized pack of Eggo waffles, and I was most likely the only 10-year-old to routinely challenge his dog to play him in the “Price is Right” board game. Also, I cheated. I cheated against my dog while playing the “Price is Right” board game.
Life: 1 Ten-Year-Old Josh: 0.
A nice compliment to “The Price is Right” would be “The Teenage Price is Right” hosted by One Direction funny man Niall Horan. Cracking jokes about Liam, mid-game crooning breaks, Plinko—who’s not watching this show?
Program: “Oh Sit!”
One Direction Members: Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson
“Oh Sit!” is a television program that currently exists in real life. The CW website describes the show as, "A fun, high-stakes, high-octane musical chairs competition.” Looks like somebody over at the CW is getting paid by the adjective. I understand it’s difficult to improve upon a television program that’s set in the high stakes world of musical chairs, but I believe I found a way.
Step one: swap out the current hosts with Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. Step two: replace the obstacle course, band, referees, contestants, attempts at humor, and chairs with anything else. Literally. Anything. Else. Harry and Louis review The Hunger Games each week? Sure. Harry and Louis go antiquing? Brilliant. Harry and Louis take a nap? A substantial improvement on the current composition of the program.
One Direction Member: Liam Payne
You know what television program could stand to include a little more singing? “Glee.” Liam Payne plays new transfer student Tommy Madison, but everybody just calls him “Lyric.” The female members are thrilled to welcome Lyric into New Directions, but Finn suspects he may be a spy sent from a rival glee club with entirely too much time on their hands. Outraged that nobody believes him, Finn storms off to angrily sing “Play that Funky Music White Boy” in the Home Ec room. You know, normal adolescent behavior.
Eventually, it’s revealed that Lyric is in fact a spy, but instead of resolving the plot they decide to sing an admittedly catchy song about friendship.
What television series would you like to see your favorite member of One Direction guest star on?
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