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The Hollywood Guide to Instant Popularity

The Hollywood Guide to Instant Popularity

By Melissa Albert

If there's anything we've learned from movies, it's that social success is always just a leather jacket and an end-of-school party away. Sick of being invisible? Try any one of these tried (by hot actors) and true(ly ridiculous) tricks for overnight popularity!

1. Get an all-black makeover. Nothing says "cool" like head to toe black leather in the heat of summer. Pay no attention to the squeaking sounds of your sexy catsuit rubbing against your butt sweat, you look amazing.

2. Publicly perform a hip dance number. While your toootally square teachers are droning on about, ugh, Napoleon or whatever, you're using your AV geek skills to secretly hook up a concert-level laser light show in the school auditorium. Because once you bust out your moonwalking routine in the middle of an assembly, hip thrusts in your crush's direction included, you'll be a high school legend. Of this we can assure you.

3. Make your cool brother pretend to be your adoring ex-boyfriend. Wait, we just need a quick Lysol shower before we can talk about this.
Okay, we're back! It's not that INCEST makes you popular. It's just coolness by association! But there are less disgusting ways to go about it...

4. Pay someone cool to pretend they like you. Bonus: it's inevitable that fake dating will make them fall in love with you. To speed things along, make sure your fake dates include visits with elderly people, who often say things like, "Well, kiss her already, young man!" Then you two are forced to kiss for realsies, at which point the the elderly person starts rapping.

5. Take off your glasses and put on a dress, four eyes. Get thee to a Forever 21. Nobody will love you until you take off your art smock and get contacts.

6. Wait till your popular crush is at their lowest, then swoop in like a love vulture. "You've got nothing to lose, so love meeeee!" is what you're basically saying. But this is slightly icky, no? Don't be somebody's rebound!

7. All it takes is one wild night. Just show up at the hottest party thrown by the coolest kids, and go crazy. Drive your bike into the pool, start a fight, challenge the dog to a breakdance-off. Within minutes you'll find yourself being carried around on the shoulders of the lacrosse captain, while everyone in the room chants your name. Now is the time to reprise your hip dance number, just to cement your new status as king of cool.

How do you feel about Hollywood's portrayal of high school popularity?

Topics: Life
Tags: guides, popularity, cliques, hollywood, stereotypes, myths, teens, teen movies, the popular kids, how to be popular

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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