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Auntie SparkNotes: Should I Join Forces With My Frenemy To Get Revenge?

Auntie SparkNotes: Should I Join Forces With My Frenemy To Get Revenge?

Dear Auntie,

I recently started talking to this boy (let's call him Justin) who I think is really nice and not bad looking. Although I'm not looking for a relationship, I still talk and flirt with him. And everything was fine — until I went to a party for my friend, to which my frenemy was also invited.

Now, I usually have a high tolerance for Frenemy's false dumb-witted-ness and other obnoxious behavior, but this time around she was bragging about this text message she had received from a boy who she was basically a "thing" with. And as she started reading it aloud, I realized I had received the same text — from Justin. It was a nice and sweet text about how beautiful he thought I was and how hilarious I am.

Under normal circumstances, with any other girl, I would laugh about it and call him out on it and eat ice cream. But this is my frenemy, a girl who once tried to steal my boyfriend. Now she wants to get Justin back good for what he did (which I think he deserves) but she wants to spend a day with me doing it. I guess my question is, do I spend the time seeking revenge and risk totally raging on her like its WWIII because of my ongoing discontent with her man-stealing ways? Or find some other traditional routes and deal with the whole situation with maturity?

I'll admit, I'm tempted to suggest you take the "traditional route" if only because I'm dying to hear what, exactly, the traditional punishment is for a dude who's guilty of a frightfully lazy approach to wooing. Death by stoning? A slow drive through your school parking lot in a truck outfitted with a megaphone, through which you read the duplicate text whilst your classmates point and laugh? A bag of angry squirrels tipped down the front of his pants?

But I digress, because this question isn't about Justin at all. (And really, for people like him, even the most creative punishment you could come up with pales in comparison to the lifelong one given him by nature, which has apparently blessed him with a brain the size of a box turtle's. I mean, sending the same text to two girls? Who know each other? This guy is so dumb, I'm kind of amazed he's still alive.)

Your question is really about your frenemy, and whether spending extra time with her is worth it to get back at the boy who burned you both... in which case, the fact that you're asking makes me think that no, it's not. If you're still so cheesed about her having made a pass at your boyfriend that it dominates your every thought of her (even though it apparently happened long enough ago that you've both moved on to greener pastures), then even the sweetest revenge will still taste bitter to you for if she was a part of it.

Which leaves us with just one last, little problem: the fact that you have a frenemy at all. Because to hear you tell it, you're gritting your teeth through every interaction with this phony, obnoxious, grating girl who you like not at all—and all you get out of it is more fuel for your ongoing butthurt over her having once macked on your boyfriend, to the point where you're angrier at her over this long-ago offense than you are at Dumbass McTurtlebrain for what he did to you, like, yesterday. Why are you doing this? Stop it! You're better than this two-faced nonsense, and there are better ways to spend your energy. So either make up your mind to forgive her, flaws and all, and let go the poisonous grudge—or if she's truly an untrustworthy jerk with no redeeming qualities, then write her off as such and remove yourself to a distance of civil acquaintanceship.

And I'll tell you what: if you can handle this frenemy situation with grace and maturity, then you've got my unequivocal blessing to forgo both when it comes to dealing with your doink of a crush... by shoving as many squirrels down the front of Justin's pants as you can manage before he runs away. Which, if his legs are anywhere near as slow as his brain, should be a LOT of squirrels.

What would you choose in this situation: revenge con frenemy, or sweet solo retribution? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, crushes, frenemies, advice, texts

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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