The 10 Best Candies In Existence
1. Fruit Stripe Chewing Gum. Why? Because it's colorful. Because they have magnificent tattoos that are applied with spit and paper and make you immediately feel like a rocker. Because the zebra plays with a soccer ball on the cover—and soccer is way cooler than say, baseball. Or golf.
2. Tootise Roll Pop. How many licks? The answer will remain a secret. I always bite down way before I even getclose to the tootsie roll inside.
3. Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum. Ok, granted the gum inside isn't all that great. And the bubble you make is less of a bubble and more of a spit sac. But there are comics inside the wrapper. Yes, admittedly the comics aren't that funny either. But it is the combination which makes Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum awesome. Plus, it has "Bazooka" in its name. When else do you get to use that word?
4. Red Shoestring Licorice. You can take your black licorice and stuff it. I LOVE this stuff. It is so hard to find. So, imagine my happiness when I discovered a source right by where I work. There is a little old lady that, during the warmer months, has a small candy stand by my office who sells small bags of this for $1.25. Is she charging too much? Maybe. But I get my awesome candy treat while at the same time supporting small business. Win, win, and major triumph for my taste buds.
6. Gum Specifically from a Gum Ball Machine. This is the best. Put in a coin, out pops 3, 4, 5 (if you are lucky) delicious gum balls. The pleasure of this candy is you never know where you'll find a machine. At the grocery store, in a hairdresser's salon, in a classroom, beside some random gas station—it's always a thrill to see that bright red case filled with sugary, teeth-destroying goodness. If I win the lottery, I am so buying one of these things for my home.
7. Grape Bubble Tape. Yes, I realize this list is gum heavy. But I am a gum girl. And Grape Bubble Tape is the nth degree of gum. It has a sharp little tang that catapults it above the Original flavor, and is covered in a weird powder that I can't identify, but am convinced makes the gum SO MUCH BETTER. And unlike the other selections on this list, you can actually blow awesome bubbles before the gum disintegrates in your mouth. Should gum disintegrate? Probably not. Do I care? No.
8. Cadbury Creme Eggs. These always look so good in the commercials with that adorable fluffy white rabbit. Do they live up to the hype? Yes. Yes they do.
9. Ring Pops. I sometimes slip these on my left hand and pretend they are engagement rings. That you can then eat. And then replace with a better color/flavor combo. I will not lie, if my future husband actually proposed with one of these, I would not be disappointed. For all future proposees, I strongly urge you to consider these as viable options. Endless variety, and look at the bang for your buck: huge gem, small price. Granted the gem is candy, but it sparkles as much as the real thing. And you can't eat the real thing. Well, you could try. But you might choke and die and then come to a premature ending to what otherwise would be a happy-ever-after.
10. And because you have to end with chocolate, I am rounding this out with: Crunch Bars. It's not so much the actual chocolate (which is admittedly pretty crappy) as the presentation. Pull the bar out of the pseudo-paper sleeve, unwrap the silver foil and gaze at the perfect rectangle with the CRUNCH logo before taking a delicate bite. I always expect to find a golden ticket in one of these things. One day I shall visit the Wonka factory and I shall swim in the chocolate waterfall and then Willy Wonka will gift me his factory and we will shoot into space with my zany family in an enormous glass elevator—and all of this will be thanks to Crunch bars.
What do YOU think is the absolute best candy in existence? LET THE DEBATE BEGIN!