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Is This the Dumbest Graduation Story of All Time?

Is This the Dumbest Graduation Story of All Time?

Because it's been too long since we posted about grown-a** adults who should know better behaving like a bunch of big whiny babies 'cause a teenager hurt their feeelings, here's a little story you should enjoy! Check it out:

As valedictorian of the class of 2012 at Prague High School in Oklahoma, one of Kaitlin Nootbaar's responsibilities was to deliver a speech—which she did, including in her remarks a line paraphrased from the Twilight saga. (You know, the one in Eclipse where Jessica says, "Who the hell knows?!" in response to the standing question about what they all want to do with their lives, and we do not believe for even a second that you haven't watched that movie, so don't even try to pretend because you are lying.)

According to Kaitlin and others present at the graduation ceremony, the line was met with laughter and applause, and that was that. But when she went to pick up her diploma this month, school officials told her that she wouldn't be allowed to claim the piece of paper certifying her as high-school-edumacated until she apologized for her speech.

Geez! Sems a little harsh, doesn't it? I mean, sure, Twilight is a stain on the landscape of our culture, and yeah, Kaitlin might be guilty of a lack of originality and/or having terrible taste in books, but withholding her diploma over it? ...Oooooh, except that it's not even the Twilight reference that got everyone's knickers in a twist; it's the fact that she said the word "hell."

Which, let's be real, is a swear word so PG-rated that even we get to use it without bleeping it out. Watch this: hell hell hell hell helly hell!

Oh, also: HELL.

Of course, if the people of Prague were upset by Kaitlin's speech, they could have just acted like grownups and told her so—and would have likely gotten just the sort of polite, contrite response they're pining for. But since instead they chose to act like a bunch of mealy-mouthed crybabies and play keep-away with her diploma to make her pay, Kaitlin has refused to pen the apology... and while it might be sad that she doesn't get printed proof of her education, we doubt that a girl of her caliber (she'll be off to university on full scholarship next month) will waste much time weeping over the piece of paper that says she graduated high school.

Which is to say: nice try, Prague High School, but if you're going to try to extort someone, you need to take something of actual value? Maybe next time think about kidnapping her cat or something. Which you probably would because you are actually the worst.

Does your school ever withhold diplomas for bad (or not-so-bad) behavior during graduation?

Topics: Life
Tags: twilight, news, school, stupid things, adults, swearing, administrators

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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