Wow, guys. Wow. Metalhead here, and I’m going to have to concede our last duel to Crazywritergirl (and Immagoldensnitch). I got CRUSHED. Hunger Games literally got like three votes out of one hundred. District 6 loses, and Gryffindor House wins. But this week, we’re getting a little more personal…and if things keep going the way they are, I’m going to lose once again. :P But I can sure as heck put up a fight!
This week’s topic: Single vs. Taken
Crazywritergirl in defense of Single:
Well Sparklers, I was just sitting on floor this morning wearing a The Great Gatsby shirt and prescription nerd glasses. I was watching Sherlock on my laptop while drinking coffee from my Avengers mug. I was all alone. I was so So SO happy!
But alas, all good things must come to an end. Suddenly I remembered that Metalhead needed me to get started on my half of the Single vs. Taken article. Meh….
Luckily, I could go on all day about why being single is the absolute shizz. Heck, it’s just so smashingly great that it deserves a *drum-roll please* LIST! So here’s that list folks, in all of its absofreaking smashing glory!
Singleness is awesome because…
-It gives you the freedom to make fun of other people’s dysfunctional relationships without being a hypocrite. That one couple in your school who is always on-again-off-again, that girl who swears that she is “absolutely in totes lovies with (her) honey cake luv-muffin” after she has only been dating him for THREE HOURS! Feel free to mock them now, its okay.
-Speaking of honey cake luv-muffins, if you aren’t in a relationship you don’t have to deal with pet names. Pet names are weird and so hard to make up! UGH! They make me sick to my face! No relationship = no horrific pet names (i.e. baby-cakes, sweetums, love-shack, goo-goo-butt, smiley-wiley, honey-boo-boo-child, snot-rocket).
-You don’t have to remember stuff. Like your one-week-six-day anniversary or where you had your third ¾ kiss.
-You can disconnect a wee bit. You have no idea how cool it feels to realize that you haven’t touched your gosh-darn cell phone ALL DAY! It honestly feels so liberating. Ahh! SWEET FREEDOM!
-When your friends say that they’re “taken,” you can launch yourself into, “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want…” a la Liam Neeson in the most badass movie ever.
-You now have to freedom to say, “I am a strong independent black woman who don’t need no man!” Sounds weird? Sure, but it feels simply smashing.
Now, I really have to get back to Sherlock-watching and coffee-drinking and literature t-shirt-wearing and nerdy-glasses-sporting. G’bye!
Metalhead in defense of Taken:
While Crazywritergirl sits around enjoying being alone and nerdy, I’ve been sitting in my room, trying to come up with sad songs for unrequited love. That’s right: I, Metalhead, am single and sad. Despite all this free time, access to video games, and places to go, I still feel like I’m missing something. Here’s why being single sucks.
-You get lazy. When your friends are all busy, who’s there for you? Your SO. But if you don’t have one, you’re stuck at home with fifty cats playing video games and watching Psych and eating frozen yogurt and you end up never ever wanting to go anywhere. (Take it from a victim.)
-You feel awkward talking to attractive people of the opposite gender. This one especially applies if you’re an NBK. Or if you’ve never been in a relationship. Like me. Sometimes I turn into Raj from the Big Bang Theory and just freeze up. (okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But still.)
-You see so many of your friends happy in relationships and you get a little jealous that they’re so happy. And it makes you UNhappy. You feel like you need someone to love in order to be happy. (Which I know isn’t necessarily true, but it definitely feels that way.)
-If you’re like a couple of my friends, you end up flooding your friends’ Tumblr walls with posts about not wanting to be alone and wishing there was someone who loved you…I don’t do it, but I’ve seen my share.
-You end up writing tons of sad songs about being alone. (Actually, that may be an advantage, seeing as I’m a musician…)
MH: You know what, I just don’t understand you sometimes.
CWG: And why is that, sire?
MH: Who in their right mind would think it’s cool to be single?
CWG: ME…for one! And I’m in my right mind.
CWG: Touché. Who in the world would want to be taken?
CWG: Whatever for?
MH: Because I’m constantly lonely, having a SO would give me someone to hang out with.
CWG: But what about the people who do activities? Huh? WHAT ABOUT THEM?! Do they need an SO?
MH: Define “activities.”
CWG: Dust-collecting, bird-watching, potato-chip eating, grass-growth watching…you know, the normal stuff.
MH: You know that those poor lazy loners secretly have a desire to be loved.
CWG: I am loved! By my kitties…so many kitties.
MH: You’re just trying to fill the SO sized spot in your heart with cats. Tell me why it’s so awesome to be single.
CWG: Because...well...because...I AM A STRONG INDEPENDANT BLACK WOMAN WHO DON"T NEED NO MAN! Works every time.
MH: Oh, sure. Fight back with a meme. When you're in a relationship (and I mean a really good one), you have someone who you know actually cares about you.
CWG: Not in highschool
MH: When you're single you're stuck staring at members of the opposite sex and dreaming about what it would be like, and they probably don't care. Have you BEEN to my high school? 3/4 of the relationships are pretty serious.
CWG: Nope...I kind of live pretty far away from you. And define "serious"
MH: Serious, adj. 1. The opposite of funny. 2. Committed and really happy together.
CWG: Eww...no humor in the relationship? Blehhh...
MH: In this case it's just definition 2. And that's something that single people can only dream of.
CWG: It doesn’t matter anyways man...I don't need a highschool relationship. I'm married.
MH: To your cats, I'll bet.
CWG: Nope...I'm actually 46.
MH: Oh, sure. And I'm Spider-Man.
CWG: Hello Spiderman...I suppose you never know who you'll meet on the internet.
MH: Well, if you're married, what do you know about being single? Boom. I win.
CWG: Because I am only married in this dimension. DUH...
MH: Okay, what does your single-dimension persona think single people have that taken people don’t?
CWG: Cats. And Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
MH: Taken people have those things too. They just get to share them.
CWG: I have a revelation for you.
MH: Bring it.
CWG: I’m allergic to cats.
MH: AHA! So you can’t have all of those kitties!
CWG: I’m allergic to relationships too. It’s a real tragedy. The doctors can’t do anything about it. Feel bad for me.
MH: I do.
CWG: I am going to go watch daytime television now. G’bye!
How did you like THAT one folks!? Wasn’t it smashing? Like always, feel free to leave your questions/comments/suggestions down below. We actually do read them. Also, this week YOU guys get to do the topic-choosing and we can’t even pick a favorite. In your comment, please vote on ONE of these following topics. We will do the vote-counting 48 hours after this article goes up! HAPPY VOTING!
Sherlock vs. Doctor Who
Phineas and Ferb vs. Kim Possible
Batman vs. Spiderman
AND! *duh duh duh DUHHHH*
Chelsea Dagger vs. Dan Bergstein
It’s all up to you Sparklers…all up to you. Sound off your opinions about singledom VS. being in a relationship and don't forget to vote for next week's topic!