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What Kind of Pet is Right for You?

What Kind of Pet is Right for You?

By Sissy

Getting a pet is a big decision—it’s not like you can return your new animal friend to the mall ‘cause he doesn’t fit. Animals are supposed to be lifelong friends and companions, which is why this decision can’t be taken lightly. It’s kind of like marriage, so before you get a pet, figure out which kind you can spend the next few years—or more—with. In order to help guide your animal marriage and lead you into a life of bliss, we’ve got some general rules to keep in mind when finding the right pet.

If you’re lazy….get a cat. There are few things as easy as owning a cat. You don’t have to take them on walks. You don't have to clean up their poop. You don't have to reassure them of your love, because cats just don’t give a crap about anyone but themselves. While cats can be cold, they certainly are cuddly, which makes it worth putting up with their icy demeanor.

If you’re a dancer…. acquire a ferret. Ferrets are weird, weird pets (sorry, we haven’t really known a “conventional family” that owns a ferret), and they definitely stand out. For example, did you know they dance? In the wild, they do it to confuse their prey. In captivity, they dance when they capture a toy or steal something from their owner. If you’re a dancer, you can join in with this little weasel, perhaps while blasting some Nicki Minaj. Don’t be alarmed if your pet looks kind of angry or scary while busting a move—she is just really excited.

If you are a daredevil…cage a snake. If you listen to heavy metal, think Medusa is awesomely legitimate, and like living on the edge, nothing shows your “badass-ness” to the world like owning a pet snake. Snakes slither, they bite, they spit venom, and they eat cute little furry animals whole (okay, pet snakes don’t necessarily do all of those scary things, but you don’t have to tell anyone that). If you choose to own one, you’re a renegade. Plus, snakes are also great for lazy people (which most kids who listen to heavy metal are). Some pet snakes can be fed relatively infrequently—usually once every 5 to 14 days, according to Wikipedia.

If you’re a vegan….look for a domesticated rabbit. Does your diet consist mostly of leafy greens, herbs, and plants? If so, you and your rabbit can split a salad at lunch. Bunnies live on collard greens, romaine lettuce, kale, and other vegetables. To help with hairballs, Wikipedia says you can feed them pineapple and papaya, so clearly bunnies are great pets for the health nut. And you'll enjoy finally hanging out with someone who doesn’t sulk when you refuse to go out for burgers!

If you’re conventional…rescue a dog. If you are the kind of person who imagines herself married to her high school sweetheart at 27 with a baby on the way, living in a beautiful red brick house with a white picket fence, you’re going to need a golden retriever to go with that picture-perfect life. We’ve got to admit we’re jealous that you seem to have everything together, and now you’re going to get a dog, to boot!

If you’re a commitmentphobe…swim with the fishies. As you know from childhood, goldfish don't live too long. Now that you are a teenager, you may be able to keep the conditions of an aquarium more suitable to fish life, but somehow we don’t think these little swimmers will live to see you take off for college. If you can cope with that heartbreak, head to a pet store and check out some colorful betas!

What kind of pet do you hope to get soon? We're dying to know!


Topics: School
Tags: animals, pets, what your ___ says about you

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About the Author
Sissy

Sissy is a woman/girl who lives, works and eats too much popcorn on the north side of Chicago. Bet you couldn't guess that her real name is actually not Sissy, but it's what her family likes to call her by. Also, She's loud and is very glad you can't hear her.

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