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Want to Cry Like a Baby? Watch a Pixar Movie.

Want to Cry Like a Baby? Watch a Pixar Movie.

By Contributor

I can see the meeting now: hundreds of people all jammed into one room, sitting on folding chairs and eating drugstore-brand cookies that they wash down with cheap lemonade. I stand up in front of them with my palms sweating ferociously. My dry throat manages to creak out the words, “Hello, my name is crazywritergirl, and Pixar makes me cry.”

Seriously, whenever any human being with a soul pops a Pixar flick into the DVD player, they know that they shall be reduced to a whimpering puddle of desolate tears by the final scene. They’ll be curled into a fetal position and rocking back and forth on the floor crying “WHY?! WHY MUST IT BE SO HEART-RENDING?!?”

This curious truth has led me to rate each of the Pixar movies on a scale ranging from "quiet subtle tears" to "emotional roller-coaster ride of doom."  Here it goes!

Cars: This movie was too cute…and a wee bit too long. I honestly didn’t cry. But I got a little sad when McQueen challenged Doc.

Emotional Rating: Has greater respect for motor vehicles and their feelings

Bug’s Life: Okay guys…I honestly don’t even remember Bug’s Life. I was about four years old when I watched it and the only thing that emotionally scarred my was the scary and mean grasshopper.

Emotional Rating: Slightly afraid of talking bugs…especially grasshoppers

Ratatouille: This movie was really a masterpiece. It totally showed you what Pixar can do in one scene with absolutely no dialogue. (Remember the food critic’s flashback?!)

Emotional Rating: Slightly teary with a new fondness for nostalgic food critics and blueish-gray rodents

Wall-e: Wall-e was so cute and creepily prophetic. I will never look at milkshakes the same way again.

Emotional Rating: Irrevocably scarred against liquefied foods and space travel

Finding Nemo: When I was younger, I really hated this movie. I thought it was boring. But now I really really really like it. Sometimes I cry when Nemo’s dad has his monologue near the end. But I loved the Shark version of AA and the special Dory; I love it when Pixar throws in relatable stuff!

Emotional rating: Some stray tears, dreadfully afraid of barracudas

The Incredibles: Edna Mode. That should be all that I need to say, but I will say more! This movie has great family themes and is smashingly cute and funny. The only stuff that ever made me cry was the old lady with the cat and the old lady who wanted insurance help. What can I say, the elderly reduce me to tears. Just wait for the UP review.

Emotional Rating: Had subject laughing and happy pretty much the whole time, minimal tears

Mosters Inc.: Ah…one of the Pixar movies that reduces me to a curled-up ball of emotions. When Sully scares Boo, I cry like a baby. When he says goodbye to her, I AM SOBBING ON THE FLOOR. By the time Boo checks her little closet for “Kitty,” I am practically dead.

Emotional Rating: Tissue box is half-empty, tear-stained pillows everywhere

The Toy Story Trilogy: I never shed a single tear over the first two Toy Story movies, but all of that changed with Toy Story 3. This tear-jerker rolled around just as I was preparing for college. Imagine that. Karma really is a spiteful woman with a flip-knife.

Emotional Rating: Subject sat on floor of closet after the film holding all of her stuffed animals and other childhood toys at once weeping uncontrollably and saying, “I don’t want to grow up!”

UP: Let me warn you Sparklers, if I simply TALK about this movie, I burst into tears. Thinking about the plot line for more than 30 seconds reduces me to a pitiful state. I am crying as a try to think of what to say. This movie turned me into a puddle of tears in the first eight minutes, but that wasn’t even the worst part. When Carl had to leave his house I cried, but I was outright sobbing in hysterics when he read the rest of the album and realized that his “Ellie” had had her adventure with him after all. WHY!?

Emotional rating: *sobs and can’t even breathe, let alone talk about emotions*

Cars 2: I haven’t watched Cars 2. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I’m not sure that the movie will make me cry. It looks really funny/cute. But maybe Mater will have a falling out with McQueen, or maybe he will suffer some type of emotional trauma. Dang it! Now I’m sad…

Emotional Rating: To be determined

Brave: I haven’t watched Brave yet, but it is on the emotional agenda. I’m sure something in it will make me cry. There’s a horse in it, right? I bet the horsy will die. *bursts into tears just thinking about the dead pony*

Emotional Rating: To be determined

Monsters University: The prequel to Monsters Inc. is hopefully coming out shortly. If it's anything like the original, I will cry like a baby.

Emotional Rating: To be determined

The Good Dinosaur: The title makes me want to cry. It just sounds like a real tear-jerker. The movie is supposed to be about what life would be like if the dinosaurs had never gone extinct. I’ll bet that all of the dinosaurs are bad…except one. An innocent child finds him and loves him, the bad dinosaurs or the other people are angry. Dinosaur saves child from evil dinosaurs or child saves dinosaur from evil humans. I’m crying already.

Emotional rating: To be determined

Post by crazywritergirl!

Do Pixar movies reduce you to a blubbering mess? Which one is your favorite?

Topics: Life
Tags: movies, pixar, the incredibles, toy story, movies we love, animated movies, monsters inc., finding memo, pixar movies

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