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15 Things We'd Love to Hear the 1st Human on Mars Say

15 Things We'd Love to Hear the 1st Human on Mars Say

By RG Daniels

The robotic vehicle Curiousity just landed on Mars, and some say humans aren't far behind. So, what should the first human on Mars go down in history as saying when he or she gets there? We have some ideas:

"We've landed on Mars. Somebody Tweet that."

"Dibs on this crater."

"Is that Optimus over there? Made ya look!"

"It's a lot redder than the picture in the brochure."

"One small step for man…one giant something something I forgot the rest, yeah."

"I spy, with my little eye…a giant red planet!"

"This looks like a good place to open a Starbucks."

"Mmmm—lift up that mask and breathe in that fresh Martian air. <GASP> Glurrghhh!!"

"Where are all the cute girls? Mars sucks."

"Dang! I shoulda gone to the bathroom before we left Earth."

"Mars is, like, totes redsies all over."

"Everything looks so small from Mars. Except for that 2-headed thing with fangs and yellow eyes comin' right at us. AAAHHHHH!!!"

"Does anybody have any service? I forgot to let anyone know where I was going and need to text my wife. Anybody???"

"Rock-paper-scissors to decide who's President of Mars."

"Everybody be cool. Act like you've been here before. Jill, how 'bout you not mention your cats for 20 minutes and Don, absolutely NO Men in Black quotes."

What would you say if you were the first person on Mars?

Topics: Life
Tags: science, news, lists, space, mars, astronauts

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About the Author
RG Daniels

RG Daniels is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. He likes ‘90s one-hit wonders, breakfast for dinner, and koala bears. He is currently on Level 163 in Candy Crush.

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