Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Blood is thicker than water, Libra, but maple syrup is thicker than blood, so reflect this month on how pancakes will always be there for you. People like to say that family is forever, but what about Coelacanthidae, the derpy-looking fish family from the Jurassic period? They're extinct, that's what. So nuts to family. Wake up early this month, before the rest of your family eats all the pancakes. And if they want to go swimming in swamps, maneuvering with their powerful caudal fins, don't trust them, because those are just coelacanths. Your lucky HTTP status code is 501 (Not Implemented). Your lucky duck is Le Quack.