Last week when I blogged the Aristocats, I asked "Does everybody want to be a cat?"
"I would very much like to be a cat."
"I don't really want to be a cat. I want to be Batman, but at this point I think everyone already knows that."
You should just settle for being Catwoman and have the best of both worlds.
Robin Hood is one of my favorite Disney movies. I like it even better than The Lion King. That's right! Even though Lion King is a musical and it's in 3D. See here:
- Robin Hood has one king and one prince who are lions.
- Robin Hood has music, and even songs that Mumford and Sons covered!
- Robin Hood is 3D, if you think really hard and grope the nearest man/bear in drag.
Here's the plot, for those of you who've been living out in the wild, growing up with wolves for the past 70 years:
Robin Hood's a foxy fox bachelor with a bow whose bachelor pad is the forest. His only companion is a brown bear named Little John, and together they fight the injustice of the Sheriff of Nottingham, a wolf who has drained the town dry by Prince John's orders.
The Sheriff has a bunch of...either wolves or weasels at his command. I think they're wolves, but I want them to be weasels. However, I want everything to be a weasel, so this isn't weird.
I actually really love weasels, in case anyone didn't know. They're my favorite animal, my favorite mammal, and my favorite horse (because I don't really have a favorite horse). The only animals I love almost as much as weasels are ferrets, which are basically weasels.
Prince John, a lion, and his aide Sir Hiss, a snake, come to Nottingham to get the gold and are robbed by none other than the Hood and his Little John! So the rest of the movie, Prince John basically tries to capture Robin Hood and fails. Robin Hood re-falls in love with his childhood sweetie Maid Marian, the only other fox in the universe, and saves the townspeople from bankruptcy. In the end, King Richard comes back and arrests Prince John.
1. Did anyone else forget that Robin Hood is a fox and wish he was their best bud? When we were kids, of course. Not anymore, 'cause now our best buds are people and not animals. Right? Right.
2. Hey, at least the Sheriff loves his job, right? He gets real joy out of taking money from the poor, and enjoying your work, they say, is the key to a successful life.
3. Does Prince John reside at Nottingham Castle? Why doesn't he live in London? Is he really this obsessed with one outlaw? Come on, John, there are bigger problems than Robin Hood out there. What about the fact that in 800 years, everyone will be so dissatisfied with how their face or food looks that nary a single photo will be posted online without an Instagram filter? Start worrying about that, Prince John.
4. Wouldn't you hate to have Nutsy's job? It takes a lot of skill, and if you mess up, you might lose an eye.
5. If you were Prince John, wouldn't you bank a more on the crocodiles and a little less on the rhinos and hippos? I mean, come now. The rhinos and hippos might be intimidating, and they do kill more people than crocodiles per year, but that's mostly by accident.
6. Does Friar Tuck keep his church staff in his clothes? See them now coming out of his cloak. How long have they been in there?
7. Does the church in the animal kingdom have any power? Seems like they could stop the government from stealing from their poor boxes, 'cause the church in the medieval times was often more powerful than the government. Maybe somebody told them that animals don't go to heaven.
8. How do they not guess that the blind guy is Robin Hood? He's the only fox in Nottingham other than Maid Marian.
8. Isn't it a little weird that Prince John and Sir Hiss the snake share the same room? And almost the same bed...talk about your workplace romance.
Disney Cage Match! Lion Usurpers: Prince John vs. Scar. Of course Scar would win in up-close-and-personal hand-to-hand combat, where Prince John would simply suck his thumb, but I feel like PJ's rhino and hippo army would beat Scar's hyena henchmen. I mean, as Babar: Prince of the Elephants taught us all, the only thing that can defeat a rhino is an elephant's butt. It's like nature's rock-paper-scissors.
What's your take on Robin Hood?