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Auntie SparkNotes: How Do I Take Makeouts to the Next Level?

Auntie SparkNotes: How Do I Take Makeouts to the Next Level?

Dear Auntie,

I am in a relationship with an amazing guy who I love and who respects me and makes me laugh. All we have ever done is make out, but I, as the girl, want to go a bit farther. I don't know how to make the first move and I wish he would! WHAT CAN I DO?

Ah, if only every question were this easy.

And as for what you can do: first, you can let go of whatever's holding you back—including any silly messages you may or may not have internalized that, "as the girl," you're supposed to take a passive role in your physical relationship. And then, you can let your boyfriend know, be it subtly or directly, that there's a party in your pants and he's officially invited.

Seriously, it's as simple as that. And if you start to chicken out, please remind yourself that:

a) The chances of your S.O. saying "no" to more schmexy fun are generally slim to none (barring religious objections or a gross lack of maturity, both of which you'd presumably know about if they exist), and

b) It takes a lot more confidence to start a relationship in the first place than it does to take an existing one into steamier territory—which, assuming that your boyfriend did the initial pursuing, means that it's well past time you took your turn donning a pair of Confidence Pants on behalf of this relationship.

And now that you've got your courage up, feel free to employ any one of the following tactics:

The Formal Invitation
Politely inform your boyfriend, in whatever medium is most comfortable, that you'd like to crank things up a notch on the physical front. (If you don't want to be explicit, the phrase "take it to the next level" is a useful catch-all for expressing your desire to go further than wherever you are.)

The Lead-by-Example
Slip your hands under his shirt (or, y'know, elsewhere) during your next makeout. He'll get the message.

The Baseball Analogy
"Hey, Boyfriend—not to be blunt or anything, but third base is open for business over here."

The Assist
The next time you're making out, grab hold of his wrist and guide his hand onto whichever body part you'd like him to grope.

The Ultimatum
"Listen, superstar, you've got two choices: touch my boobs, or DIE."

Okay? OKAY. Now go forth, young pirate, and plunder that booty.

Got a suggestion for our Sparkler on how to make her makeouts steamier? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

Topics: Life
Tags: auntie sparknotes, relationships, advice, boyfriends, makeouts

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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