This summer, I've been working around 50 hours a week at the deli at a Piggly Wiggly. I barely have enough time to hang out with my friends, which is fine, because (like Veruca Salt) I've made a rather different set of friends! The regular customers at the deli, that is.
You see, I live in a very small town, and the Piggly Wiggly (being a store that organizes its departments by bible verse) doesn't exactly have an enormous customer base. So you get to know a few of them pretty well. I think I've made more friends with 50-year-old gentlemen than anyone else. They always wink at me and somehow fail to notice that I never wink back. Pro tip: please don't wink at people? It's creepy.
Besides the oldsters, there are a number of other interesting characters who pop up over and over...
There's the little old lady who always wants 3 slices of 8 different types of meat and cheese. If you ever have the luck to visit my deli, I'd freaking love it if you didn't do this.
Another regular is a farmer who usually just wears overalls and a beard down to his waist. One tooth. Just one. One long, yellow tooth. Kind of like a boar's tusk. And occasionally a pale blue trucker hat. The other day, he asked us why we didn't sell maple-flavored, bacon-bit-topped doughnuts.
And of course there's a girl who was... well... not so kind to me in middle school. Her newfound politeness is fairly disconcerting, and the fact that she remembers my name is terrifying. Well, there might have been a name tag involved, but still.
Not to mention my 9th grade English teacher, who famously liked to tell 15-year-old girls that they look like they got dressed in the dark, once threw a cup of hot water at a friend of mine, and likes Ron Paul. If I hadn't written him off before then, that was the kicker.
Plus there's our Local Creeper, who's on crutches ever other time I see him, never changes his shirt or takes off his sunglasses, and visits about 3 times a week.
And then, finally, you have the randos. The ones who come in once, do something absurd, and leave before anyone else sees them. Of course, this means that nobody believes me when I say a guy came in asking for tiger meat. (I referred him to the meat department.) Or the woman who was surprised when we didn't have 20 pounds of Jell-O blocks on hand. Or the guy who had swastikas tattooed on both of his elbows. I can't even make a joke about him. That's truly horrible.
Ginger's Song of the Week: If you haven't seen Breaking Bad, and aren't opposed to things being dark, gritty, and nominated for 13 Emmys this season, I'd advise you to watch it. The fact that this song is on the soundtrack is your official incentive.
Have you ever encountered customers like these?