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My Marching Band is Weirder than Yours

My Marching Band is Weirder than Yours

By Contributor

Today, Sparklers, you get to learn of the weirdness that is my high school band. Yay! Most school bands play normal popular songs that people have heard of. And if they aren't pop songs, they at least were famous at one point. That's the normal band thing to do, right? Not at my school. Behold, the horror:

A Brief Rundown of Past Performances:

The Indian Dance: I blame all problems on the color guard. For whatever reason, I've just decided that all band evil stems from them and their director. In my opinion, this started with The Indian Dance a few years ago. The music was forgettable, possibly because the color guard was much more distracting. They were dressed in what was supposed to resemble authentic Indian garb. Part of their dance was to construct (what I was later informed to be) teepees. The way they built them was by sticking poles into the ground. Except, they didn't have anything to lay over the poles, so at the end there were just a bunch of weird sticks in the ground. Also, they performed it at a contest in the North Georgia mountains. The Indians that lived there did not live in teepees. It wasn't even historically accurate.

Cleopatra: This one was just... I don't even know. There was one color guard member dressed up as  (I assume) Cleopatra. And she had to do this weird dance with one of the trumpeters. And he would did a weird dance with his trumpet. And then she did a weird dance with the trumpet. And then a couple of other trumpeters came over to lift her up. And the she lifted the trumpet over her head. And I just sat there really confused.

Grainger Than Fiction: That is the actual name of the show. This was the performance during my freshman year (last year). I can't tell you how many times I asked if it was Harry Potter-themed music. Then I saw it written out and learned that it wasn't  "Granger" but "Grainger"—the composer's last name. The "plot" of this performance was Little Red Riding Hood running around through a bunch of fairy tales and being chased by the wolf. It started off with her running around through the band, and then these green streamer things appeared—as it turns, those were beanstalks. The other color guard members were in skintight brown unitards, which I later learned made them trees. As Red Riding Hood ran around, this guy with a wolf mask jumped out and chased her around with a gun (which he dropped a few times). Then he shot Little Red Riding Hood. I thought she died because she disappeared, but at the end she was lifted up, and her hood was pulled off. Underneath, she was wearing a wolf mask.

I think I speak for everyone watching when I say: ???????????????????????????????????????????

It should be noted that the announcer also delivered an introduction for the performance that involved the word "juxtaposition." Now, juxtaposition is a great word, but I don't think it's best received or understood at a high school football game. Like, if it has to have an explanation to begin with, it's too complex for our feeble adolescent minds. We can't pay attention to one thing that long.

But this year is the best (or, more accurately, worst) yet. The performance is titled "Swarm." The color guard is supposed to be dressed like bees. The band is getting antennae on their hats in addition to the plumes. Also, they have to act like bees at some point. Bees. They have to straighten their arms out behind their backs, bend over, and shake their heads. I wish I was making this up. How this makes them bee-like, I don't know. All I know is that it will be hysterical. It excites me greatly. Also, the antennae are made of tennis balls. Goodness. It's like a car crash. I just can't look away.

Post by TheGirlWithTheBook, previously known as Real Alias!

Can your band beat this one out for weirdest ever?

Topics: Music, School
Tags: color guard, funny things, band geeks, high school bands

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