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Auntie SparkNotes: Should I Hook Up With My Family's Foreign Exchange Student?

Auntie SparkNotes: Should I Hook Up With My Family's Foreign Exchange Student?

Dear Auntie,

In about a month, my family is hosting an exchange student from Austria for six months. Let's call him Lukas.

So a couple months ago, I friended him on Facebook. Lukas is literally the sexiest thing I have ever laid eyes on (digitally that is): tall, muscular, Austrian looking, and hot as a habanero. We've been talking (more like flirting) every week since then. We're both the same age and we have a lot in common.

My problem: I feel like I would be soooo attracted to him that I would definitely hook up with him at once. However, HE IS LIVING IN OUR HOUSE FOR SIX MONTHS (as previously stated) and my parents are relatively conservative.

I have no idea whether to let things play out or be strictly "friends". If I did let things play out, would I keep things casual or turn it into something more? Give me your wisdom please!

Wisdom? Well, okay! Let's talk wisdom: you really, probably, in all likelihood, should not hook up with your live-in-for-six-months foreign exchange student. That would not be wise.

And now, let's talk reality... and, as such, let's all take a moment to laugh hysterically at the idea that when you're spending six months in close quarters with a mutually attracted, dangerously sexy, super-flirty foreigner, the question of what's wise is going to make even the slightest bit of difference when you find yourself overcome by the desire to launch yourself at his face.

Which brings me to this: I'm not going to tell you not to hook up with your foreign exchange student. I'm not going to tell you that it'll end with awkwardness, or heartbreak, or lifelong groundings when your parents find out just how much of America you're actually showing him, if you get my meaning. I'm not even going to tell you that I know exactly how awkward these things can get, because I once hooked up with my family's foreign exchange student, and it was awesome, at least for the two days it took him to have second thoughts and start acting like a complete and total wang. (Nope! Definitely not telling you that!)

I am, however, going to tell you to think. Think really, really hard about your personality, your confidence levels, your hookup history, and your ability to deal maturely with squicky and uncomfortable situations. And then, before you do anything else, ask yourself if:

a) you're capable of enjoying a fling with a built-in expiration date, and

b) you're self-possessed enough to deal maturely with any feelings that may or may not arise, on either side, as well as

c) the possibility of those feelings being returned, or not, on either side, and

d) you're prepared to handle the not-inconsiderable awkwardness should things go sour and leave you sharing a house, a dinner table, and a bathroom with a now-ex-hookup, and

e) you can handle all of the above with whatever the necessary level of discretion to avoid a parental freakout, and

f) you realize that a lot can happen in six months, which means that one or more of the aforementioned scenarios coming to pass is not just possible but probable, and

g) you accept that no matter what you do or don't do, this story still ends with the inevitable tragedy of your Austrian lust object returning to his country of origin.

And if your answer to all this is a resounding yes? Then have fun, because you can handle it. But if it's not, then do yourself the favor of recognizing that a decision in which you can't deal with 95% of the likely outcomes—emotional or otherwise—isn't just unwise, but stupid, and satisfy yourself with a flirtatious friendship.

At least until the last month before he leaves. After that, all bets are off.

Have you ever hooked up with a foreign exchange student? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

Topics: Advice
Tags: parents, auntie sparknotes, flirting, dating, awkward situations, advice, hooking up, foreign exchange students

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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