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What's Your Superhero Name?

What's Your Superhero Name?

By Chelsea Dagger

Recently, Sparkler sydney8771 unleashed a brilliant invention upon SparkLife: THE NAME GAME. She's crafted four spectacular posts thus far (1, 2, 3, and 4) and because I am nothing if not a popularity-obsessed copy-cat, I decided to steal her genius idea and write a Name Game post of my own. Why did I choose superheroes, instead of, say, "What's Your Salad Name?" Well, it's because there are only three types of salad (Egg, Caesar, and Egg-Ceaser), obviously. And besides, these are trying times, and Gotham City/Metropolis/Hogwarts/the world needs you! So cover yourself in butter (it makes squeezing into a spandex unitard much easier) and ready your marshmallow shooter: it's BUTT-KICKIN' TIME.

(I should probably mention that by participating in this Name Game, you are essentially signing a blood oath that contractually obligates you to BECOME a superhero. You will need billions of dollars, a "cover" hobby (spelunking should do quite nicely), and an affable English butler brimming with dry wit. GO.)

Note: All names are gender neutral and structured as: Adjective Name the Noun. For example, my superhero name is Superb Clark the Lobster Person. SEE, ISN'T THIS FUN?!

Pick the adjective that corresponds with the date of your birth (if you were  born on July 17th, you'd pick #17):

1: Ferocious

2: Medium

3: Fancy

4: Auspicious

5: Explosive

6: Cosmopolitan

7: Glorious

8: Flaming

9: Buttery

10: Rakish

11: Peaceable

12: Sparkly

13: Befuddled

14: Dapper

15: Friendly

16: Winsome

17: Impervious

18: Excellent

19: Squeamish

20: Quotable

21: Illustrious

22: Amazing

23: Clunky

24: Delicious

25: Superb

26: Large

27: Hungry

28: Victorious

29: Thoughtful

30: Homely

31: Dangerous

Pick the name that corresponds with your favorite candy:

M&Ms: Lionel

Peanut M&Ms: Klaus

Reeses: Winston

Snickers: Hermione

3 Musketeers: Dennis

Junior Mints: Clark

Starburst: Dumbledore

Skittles: Larry

Sour gummy worms: Greg

Gummy bears: Stanley

Twix: Eugene

Milky Way: Lance

Nerds: Elizabeth Bennet

Twizzlers: Melvin

I'm allergic to candy: Katniss

This post is moronic: Darcy

I love all candy so much that I would literally marry it if I could: Leopold

My favorite candy isn't on this list, butt-clown: Phil

Pick the noun that corresponds with the first letter of your middle name (if you don't have a middle name, use your last name):

A: Lumberjack Hero

B: Moose

C: Un-Extinct Dinosaur

D: Boy Wizard

E: Cat Wrangler

F: Bandit

G: Shark Lawyer

H: Dude

I: College-Educated Baby

J: Human Robot

K: Bulldozer

L: Laser of Love

M: Hipster Kid

N: Eagle

O: Sponge of Doom

P: Lobster Person

Q: Torpedo

R: Pirate Accountant

S: Waffler

T: Cuddle Bear

U: Burger of Ham

V: Iron Fist

W: Ginger

X: Boomerang

Y: Dweeb

Z: Lord of Dance

BONUS ROUND!!! To discover your superpower, choose the month of your birth:

January: Glaring pointedly at your enemies

February: Speed-reading

March: Time travel (in the sense that you can walk pretty quickly)

April: Burping the entirety of "Call Me Maybe"

May: Coming up with clever puns

June: Employing the phrase "Great googily moogily!"

July: Turning your thumbs invisible

August: Quoting the movie Mean Girls with startling accuracy

September: Eating 200 Hot Tamales without barfing

October: Constructing crossbows using only decorative tape and a toilet paper roll

November: Twirling really fast in a circle

December: Frequently winning at Rock, Paper, Scissors

What's your superhero name and power?

Topics: Life
Tags: names, superheroes, superpowers, fun things, funny things, powers, name game

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About the Author
Chelsea Dagger

Since 2010, Chelsea Dagger (known in real life as Chelsea Aaron) has been SparkLife's sweatiest editor. She's currently working on a how-to-kiss guide for teens, and when she's not conducting smooch-related research on her life-size Joseph Gordon-Levitt cardboard cutout, she's eating pancakes, stocking up on industrial-strength deodorant, and destroying everyone at Harry Potter trivia. (EXPECTO PATRONUM!)

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.