How To Not Have the Worst First Kiss Ever
Take it from me, Sparklers, being NBK is definitely something to be proud of. Once your lip-virginity is gone, you cannot take it back. Ever. From not eating garlic at lunch to not scaring him off with undue attention, here is your very own, actual guide on how not to screw up that first kiss.
- Lip Gloss. So, you went to see an action-packed movie and ate tons of candy and popcorn, which is great...but now your lips are dry, cracked, and un-kissable. Usually you consider your lips to be the luscious, full, and softer than the teddy bear he bought you last week. Your soon-to-be first kiss will be ruined if you don’t do something!
Incorrect: In between the end of the movie and getting out of the car when your SO drops you off at your house, you manage to put on 14 layers of that Berry-Berry Blast lip gloss your girlfriends got you for your birthday. Your lips are now sticky, sparkly, shiny, and, to your boyfriend, gross. Cap the tube or we’ll admit you to a glossoholic rehabilitation center.
Correct: You stealthily put on a layer of Chap Stick (no flavor if you’re nervous, maybe cherry if you’re daring) and voila! Those puppies on the front of your face are softer than ever! Bring on the love!
- Those Stalkers You Call Your Friends. Ideally, none of your friends (or his!) will know about your devious plot to make it to first base. But who hasn’t been so nervous or excited about something that she told the poor guy she unfortunately friend-zoned last week?
Incorrect: At school (a terrible place, really, but we won’t go into that), you go to the “secluded” area of the field during break, only to see your stalkers friends making kissy faces behind your Romeo's back...he then turns around and sees them and is so horrified he files a restraining order without properly breaking up with you (or kissing you).
Correct: You don’t tell your girlfriends when you’re planning on pulling up your confidence pants and kissing the guy. It’s simple. You can tell them about how the imaginary fireworks nearly blew up in your face once Romeo’s lips touched yours after the fireworks go off, not before.
- Family Members. Your plans for a romantic walk in the park (where you were planning on stealing a kiss under the oak tree where your crush first shared his gummy worms with you) are ruined when your parents tell you that you need to babysit your seven-year-old brother tomorrow afternoon.
Incorrect: You decide to bring your little brother along to the park to play with the… “friendly” neighborhood children. However, when you reach the oak tree and bring up the topic of the labyrinth that is your feelings for this boy, a little girl runs up to the tree and shrieks “I FOUND YOU!” You look up and see your brother sitting on one of the branches of the tree. You scold him and leave your crush standing alone under the oak tree of your misbegotten love.
Also Incorrect: You decide to bring your brother along on the walk despite your crush’s protests. You peck your crush under the oak tree, having forgotten your brother was in the area. When you remember him, he has the evil “I’ll tell Mom” look on his face, and he forces you to do his chores until you move out of the house.
Correct: Hey, plans can always be rescheduled, right? You call up your crush and explain the situation to him. If he’s a sweetheart, he’ll offer to keep you company while you babysit the little monster and bake dinosaur cupcakes with the two of you.
What else can spoil a first kiss?
Post by shannowen!