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Introducing VS: A Brand New Spankler Series!

Introducing VS: A Brand New Spankler Series!

By Contributor

Sparkler+Mankler=Spankler, right? Buttever. Check out this awesome new series by Metalhead and Crazywritergirl!

A not long time ago, in a galaxy that is actually this one, a young boy who went by the name of Metalhead wrote an article about why CDs are better than iPods. A young girl who went by the undercover name of crazywritergirl read the article and wrote back a fiery response in defense of the iPod. From that initial argument, a smashing idea was conceived…the idea that two people can argue both sides of any idea for the entertainment of others. And you, dear Sparklers, get to witness that wonderful smashing idea.

Welcome to VS: It’s going to be a wild ride!

(DISCLAIMER: The ideas expressed by the individuals in this article and the articles to follow may or may not be true to character. It is extraordinarily easy to argue something that you don’t believe if you try hard enough. So if you find someone arguing about why Twilight is a positive thing, just remember that they probably don’t really believe it. It is merely acting…sometimes)

TOPIC: Criminal Minds versus Psych

Crazywritergirl In Defense oCriminal Minds:

I could write a list the size of Hagrid on why Criminal Minds is the best show ever. But I don’t think even a magical awesome half-giant sized list could do this show justice.
I have grown to love Criminal Minds because of the smashing characters. This show has had the most amazing people throughout its seventh-season-and-counting run. Currently the show consists of six wonderful characters. Here they are folks, in all of their smashing glory!

Aaron Hotchner: Known as Hotch to his coworkers, Aaron is a spectacular ice cream sundae filled with a double scoop of bad-arse, a heaping spoonful of boneheaded bravery, and a liberal drizzling of bigheartedness. He is stern and smart and more than a little attractive. AND HIS LITTLE SON IS ADORABLE!!! He has been with the show since the very beginning. He is just too awesome for mere words. You have to see to believe. His hobbies include coaching his son’s soccer team, triathlon running, and even beard-growing in the beginning of the seventh season.

David Rossi: Rossi is a short little Italian guy. He talks like your best friend, looks like your favorite grandfather, and acts like that uncle that you totally adore. Rossi is like a father to his teammates. He counsels them and talks to them and even teaches them how to make Italian food properly. He is also an author of a ton of books and is filthy rich from their success, something we can all aspire to. His hobbies include: being rich, having sketchy “connections,” and sharing his money with people he meets on cases.

Derek Morgan: Ahh…Morgan, the fox of the team. Morgan fills the obligatory black guy spot on the show, and he does his job gorgeously. Morgan has pectorals and abs and arms that make you want to scream with joy. He’s also pretty darn smart and super sweet. Morgan has an ongoing flirty relationship with the team’s technical analyst, Penelope Garcia. His specialties include: pranking Dr. Spencer Reid, wearing muscle shirts, looking gorgeous, and kicking down doors…all of the time.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Reid is my mostest absolutest favorite. Reid is freaky smart (187 IQ, in college before he could drive, more doctorates than anyone you’ve ever met…ever). His hair changes every season, yet it is always gorgeous and so So SO touchable! I just love him. I call him my studious cocker spaniel. He’s all mine! MINE! My own…MY PRECIOUS!!! Alright, I’m chilling myself now. But seriously, Spencer is ah-may-zing! His hobbies include: talking very fast about random smart stuff “a la Sheldon Cooper,” correcting Morgan, and not shaking hands.

Jennifer Jareau: JJ is the sweetest character ever! She has a little boy named Henry who is just the cutest. JJ’s boyfriend-turned-husband, Will is absolutely gorgeous (he also has a smexy southern accent.) JJ chooses the cases that the team is to solve. JJ’s hobbies include having gorgeous hair, being irrationally afraid of woods and rationally afraid of dogs, and occasionally being Reid’s emotional anchor.

Penelope Garcia: Garcia is just the best. She has the best sense of humor and a larger than life sense of style. She flirts shamelessly with Morgan and proves than you don’t have to be the “prettiest” girl to get the attentions of the hottest guy. Garcia is the ultimate geek girl. She loves video games and conventions; she also collects the coolest stuff for her office (dubbed “the bubble.”) Garcia’s hobbies include: baking for her team members (she calls them her “babies”), being wonderfully optimistic, and dressing awesome.

Well, there you have it! Criminal Minds my favorite show because of its wonderful characters. Y’all should really watch it…you will totally not regret it!

Metalhead in Defense of Psych:

I know, you know, that I'm not telling the truth...I know, you know, they just don't have any proof...There are many ways I could argue that Psych is better than Criminal Minds–like the inside jokes, the pop culture references, the guest stars, etc. But Psych happens to be pretty strong in the character department, too. Psych just wrapped up its sixth season and its seventh is going to drop in the fall. So here’s a rundown of six of the quirky, awesome characters you might see on any given day in the Santa Barbara Police Department.

Shawn Spencer: NOT-SO-SPOILER ALERT! Shawn is NOT a psychic. He was almost arrested because his photographic memory led the police to believe he knew too much about a crime to be innocent, and he had to convince them that he was psychic. Besides being really good at faking ESP, Shawn is such a character–he’s a good worker but constantly goes off-track. He’s also stupidly brave and/or bravely stupid, depending on the situation, and never leaves his friends behind. Shawn’s hobbies include making hilariously incorrect pop culture references (“Simba, I am your father!”), making fun of police detective Lassiter (“Collecting money for the policemen’s ball, Lassie?” “We don’t have balls.” “…I honestly have no response to that.”), and eating pineapples.

Burton Guster: Speaking of the obligatory black guy spot…Gus, as everyone calls him, is Shawn’s long-suffering partner in crime…fighting. He constantly has to put up with Shawn’s strange different-in-every-episode nicknames for him(which include Chocolate Einstein, MC ClapYoHandz, Sher-Black-Lock, and Mrs. Whittlebury, among others). Gus is much more down-to-earth than Shawn, having to bring him back to reality all the time. As all good partners should. Of course, everyone has a weakness, and Gus’s is hot girls. He can’t resist them, and he thinks they can’t resist him. (Ha!)

Juliet O’Hara: “Jules” is an SBPD junior detective, and a darn good one. She always ends up partnering with and having to deal with Shawn on certain cases–and now she and Shawn are dating. Romantic tension! Yes! Jules is probably the least quirky character on the show–she’s tough and brave and serious about her job. Without her, Shawn would never get anything done. And she’s not a bad looker, either. :P But that’s just me.

Carlton Lassiter: Oh, Lassie, Lassie, Lassie…The senior detective at the SBPD has to endure many, many abuses from Shawn both physical (being hit in the face with a cruller) and mental (“Great briefing, Lassie, I think briefs are your medium. I imagine you could squeeze into a small if you had to.” *snicker*). It’s a miracle he’s able to stay on his cases without going insane. Thanks to having to put up with Shawn, Lassie is always pissed off and antagonizes everyone. In a lovable way. His hobbies include playing Squirrel Assassin 2 on his desktop, coming up with clever comebacks, and thinking about his girlfriend Marlo–who’s currently in jail.

Henry Spencer: Shawn’s dad is a policeman, and a very disciplined one. Unfortunately, his caring for his son constantly gets in the way of his police work, leading him to continue to be an overbearing and hilariously annoying dad figure. (He tries to take the adult Shawn fishing in one episode.) In very funny flashbacks in each episode, he teaches Shawn everything he knows about being a detective. Confusingly, Henry may or may not have been killed in the last episode of the sixth season…we’re all on the edge of our seats to see the seventh. Or at least my sister is.

Woody the Coroner: No Psych best characters list would be complete without Woody. Woody is…strange. He takes things off of dead bodies. He makes very wrong deductions. He agrees with Shawn’s supernatural assumptions. And he’s wanted in the Philippines for no reason whatsoever. Despite this, he’s a darn good coroner and probably the most, um, interesting character on the show. Next to Shawn, that is.

Wouldn’t you agree that these are some of the craziest, weirdest, and most awesome characters ever to hit the TV? And there’s awesome guest characters in every episode. There’s like twenty-five guest stars in every season–including Cary Elwes, Molly Ringwald, Jason Priestley, and Jaleel White. And that’s just in Season 6. Make sure you catch these strangely funny people next chance you get–you won’t regret it, either.
So there you have it: our first debate. Feel free to suggest topics that you want us to argue about—we'll go for basically anything from TV shows to movies to books to social situations (like, is it better to be single or taken?). We'll see you around, and thanks for tuning in!

-Metalhead865 and Crazywritergirl

What do you think of this new series? Where do you stand in the Criminal Minds VS Psych debate?

Topics: Life
Tags: funny things, arguments, sparkler series, controversy, debates, tv shows, psych, tv series, shows we love, mankler series, criminal minds

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