You guys are like the Saurons of the interwebs—not in that you're plotting to cover all the world in an endless darkness, but in that you've managed to craft something irresistibly powerful and impervious to flame or sword: A SENTENCE.
That LOTR analogy didn't go as well as I'd hoped, but we can't all be masters of the written word. I shall settle for being a master of sweat, and leave the scholarly scribing to you butts, who proved your mettle once again last week by coming up with a stunningly smart set of opening lines. Below are the winners and runners-up, who will each receive immortality (courtesy of my main man Elrond) and an all-expenses paid trip to the temperate and beautiful Mount Doom.
Sparklers' Choice (with 17 votes): exitpursuedbyabear! Her butt-tastic sentence won your hearts with its unexpected hilarity:
I've never been a fan of butts, but his called to me: beautiful, firm, absolutely sculpted... the essence of manliness-- which, looking back on, is quite the contrast to the womanly scream he emited when I grabbed it.
Disqualified (but still brilliant) Sparklers' Choice: SparkLife's very own tech genius Juliana (aka jberger0923234234), who submitted a beautiful tale of vegetable gibberish by accident and ending up receiving 19 votes!
Dagger's Choice: PurpleNerdNumber7! She nearly made my snort iced coffee out my nose with her simple opening line: My retainer was unbelievably disgusting.
A close second was ArinFlameSeer with her awesome submission: It was an acknowledged truth that the pen was mightier that the sword, at least until some one came to a duel with a pen, thus bringing the phrase 'never come to a swordfight with a pen' into existence.
Congrats errrvrubody! I look forward to reading these sentences on the first page of all of your upcoming novels. In lieu of a new prompt this week, I'm going to point you on over to Emma's awesome fiction contest! The prompt is to write a story that is EXACTLY 100 words—and there ain't no flexibility in the rules, butts, so make sure you count those words CAREFULLY. The winner will receive a copy of Auntie SparkNotes' brand new book (and also eternal fame and glory). You can submit your stories in the comments here if you'd like, BUT they won't be considered for the contest unless you send them to email@example.com! The contest closes on Friday the 13th, so you'd best get a'writin'!