With the not-so-recent influx of text talk (YOLO, OMG, WTF, etc.) and profanity (I think you can fill in your own examples here) in today’s society, I’ve found myself reverting back to surrounding myself with old-fashioned, movies, television shows, and literature—and basically, they said really wonderfully fantabulous things back then. Here are a few of the phrases that I love hearing and would love to hear in everyday conversation. We can totally start a revolution, Sparklers. Let’s make these happen.
Phrase: Golly Moses! I’ve heard this in a few 50’s movies, and it makes me laugh every time. It means Good Grief, or something similar.
Use: Golly Moses! There’s a tightrope-walking rhinoceros in a Tron suit shopping for antique dinnerware right over there! or Golly Moses! My head is gonna ‘splode!
Recommended Frequency of Usage: Constant. Every time you react to anything, begin your reaction with “Golly Moses!” Alternatives: Ye Gods! And Egad! Can be used in the same capacity, although Golly Moses is preferred.
Phrase: Zoinks/Jinkies! Used to convey surprise or alarm. Cue Johnny Bravo’s confused look. “Jinkies? Jinkies?!” This phrase is best used by those who are nostalgic for the old days when Scooby Doo wasn’t lame like it is now (those who grew up watching Scooby Doo, Where Are You?).
Use: Jinkies! A clue! or Like, Zoinks! That music box just blew bubbles at us!
Recommended Frequency of Usage: No more than once a day. You don’t want to be known as “That weird Scooby Doo person.” Or maybe you do. I don’t know. It’s your life.
Phrase: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! Who says this? I don’t know, but I always picture Andy Griffith saying it, and it’s hilarious.
Use: To convey disbelief. Use: He actually ate it? The whole thing? Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!
Recommended Frequency of Usage: Once weekly; it should always be said slowly, as though you’re chewing the information over as you’re saying it, and preferably in a southern accent. Don’t use it around older relatives or acquaintances, though, unless you already have a reputation for being a bit of an “old soul” or “slightly off.”
Phrase: Cheese It! Used fairly frequently in the late 19th—early 20th century jargon.
Used in lieu of “Get outta here!” or “Run away!” or “Beat it!” Use: Cheese it! It’s the bulls!
Recommended Frequency of Usage: Unless you often find yourself in situations that require your alerting your friends that you should run away quickly, you probably won’t need this one very much. But there it is anyways.
Phrase: He put an egg in his shoe and… beat it! I’ve only heard this used once, but I think it’s marvelously clever and I wish I could hear it more often. Like, all the time, actually.
Use: Can be used either as a response—“Have you seen Jack?” “Yeah, he was here. But he put an egg in his shoe and… Beat it!”—or as a command—“Hey, can I play Research Lab with you?” “No, you cannot. You may, however, put an egg in your shoe and beat it, Howard.”
Recommended Frequency of Usage: Don’t use this one super often, as overuse will ruin the comical element to it. Plus also, your friends might beat you with parking cones if you use it too often.
Phrase: Great Gatsby! I’ve never actually heard someone say this, but I wish I had. It’d make my day if just once, Doc Brown would say “Great Gatsby!” instead of “Great Scott!” I know, I know. He can’t. It’s just a movie. Blah. I just want it to happen once.
Use: “Great Gatsby! Let me see that photograph again of your brother. Just as I thought, this proves my theory. Look at your brother.” “His head’s gone, Doc! The heck?!” Or something along those lines.
Recommended Frequency of Usage: Every day. As often as possible. Especially when making scientific discoveries.
Phrase: I'll pineapple-slap your ascot. Best threat ever. Use it every time someone angers you and you need to put the fear into them.
Use: “I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. Oh, not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad!” “You stop it right now, Chandler, or so help me I will pineapple-slap your ascot into the next dimension!”
Recommended Frequency of Usage: Only when thoroughly irritated, as this is a serious threat that should not be used or taken lightly.
Phrase: Holy [insert relevant word/phrase here], Batman! There’s a million of these that can be used in every situation. Instead of uses, this one will just have some of the best examples of this:
- Holy interplanetary yardstick, Batman!
- Holy holes in donuts, Batman!
- Holy rusted metal, Batman!
-Holy Sherlock Holmes, Batman!
- Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods, Batman!
- Holy diversionary tactics, Batman!
The phrase can also be followed by some sort of related cheesy one-liner, such as: Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew it!
Recommended Frequency of Usage: It’s probably best not to use this with Robin-like frequency, but do feel free to use this every two weeks to a month or so.
Phrase: One Doll. Used in the Fifties and Sixties to refer to an attractive person. Much more fun than, “Oh, he’s hot,” or “She’s so sexy,” or “What a babe.” Best said in a dreamy tone whilst staring into space absently with a wistful smile on one’s face. Don’t use this for everyone, though. Use it for people who deserve it, like Zac Efron, Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Steve Rogers/Captain America. The guys in Magic Mike? Not so much.
Use: Your brother, Sodapop. He works at a gas station—a DX, I think? Man, your brother is one doll!
Suggested Frequency of Use: Don’t use it for every attractive person ever, lest you should cheapen it. But don’t save it for the love of your life and only the love of your life, because people should still hear it used. So… probably every couple of weeks.
And there it is. We can so make these happen, people. So next time you consider saying “ZOMG!”, take a moment. Reflect. And substitute “Ye Gods!” instead.
Post by KJ_Vball!
Which of these phrases are you going to use first? We can't pick a favorite, so we choose ALL OF THEM.