The 5 Steps of Losing a Pencil
If you are an average homework-doing, literate human being, you have probably at some point in your life experienced the traumatic event of losing a pencil. Seriously, which of you Sparklers have not experienced that maddening moment when your dear writing utensil, which you had in your hand two minutes ago, is nowhere to be found?
It can make you wonder about the existence of invisible elves that sneak up when you are not looking and steal your pencil. I, for one, have spent many an hour pondering the possibility of these elves’ existence. I’ve come to the conclusion that they MUST be real—it’s the only logical explanation out there! Just to clarify, these would be the same elves that randomly make articles of clothing disappear in the wash, and rid the pantry of junk food 24 hours after your mom went grocery shopping. When I discussed the invisible-pencil-stealing-elves theory with my mom, she told me that I, of all people, was the one who ‘misplaced’ my own clothes in the wash and ‘ate’ all the junk food in the pantry. Moms. They come up with the most ridiculous ideas sometimes, don’t they?
But invisible elves or not, losing your pencil is an aggravating and nerve-wracking experience. If you want to evade this horrible confrontation with your inner demons, try to avoid these next five steps.
1. Discover that your pencil is missing and inwardly (well, outwardly too) freak out.
So you’re just sitting at the table doing math homework like a good little teenager, and you get up for just a minute to take a break. (Because no one can sit and do math for too long.)
You get on the computer, check out some new article on SparkLife, finally Google that obscure, random fact you’ve been wondering about, creep on everyone’s prom pictures on Facebook…you know, just the daily internet routine. Half an hour later, you get back to your seat and WHAAAT!? Your pencil is missing?!? But it was right there! This is impossible! Preposterous! Pencils don’t disappear….
2. Frantically search the scene of the crime.
You trudge back to your seat, determined to find this pencil. Trying to be rational, you decide to conduct an orderly investigation. It starts out quite nicely, with you trying to recall if you put the pencil in the fridge when you were grabbing something to eat, but it ends up with you practically ripping the pages of your math book apart and crawling on all fours raking the floor with your fingers.
Take a chill pill, and remind yourself that it’s just a pencil.
3. The Accusations.
This is usually the step when things start looking a little desperate. Neither the investigation nor the chill pill seems to have worked, because your pencil is still missing and you’re still freaking out. You’ll probably start turning to the other people in the room (parents, siblings, study buddies, etc.) and loudly accuse each of them of stealing your pencil. You might even go so far as to call them a blithering booby or a dunderhead, but hey, let’s not run away with ourselves here. When the Accused answer in the negative, you might give them one last "I still think you did it" glare and walk back to your seat muttering about invisible elves.
At this point, some annoying individual may suggest to you, “Just get another pencil.” But you stubbornly tell them no. Anyone who’s lost a pencil knows the feeling—you can’t just admit defeat, letting the pencil, and the elves, win out. So instead, you just refuse to admit that it’s gone.
“The pencil was right here. RIGHT HERE!” You insist to anyone listening. “It CAN’T have disappeared! IT’S NOT GONE!!!”
Whoa, there. Denial is the worst stage in losing a pencil. Try to get over it as quickly as possible.
5. Finding your pencil\Admitting defeat.
Sometimes, the experience ends with you actually finding your pencil! After denial leaves you drained and exhausted, you trail back to the computer, just to stare at the glowing screen and methodically spin around in the computer chair. You feel something hard on the chair pressing against your gluteus maximus; you pick it up, and it’s YOUR PENCIL!!! You hear cheering in your mind as you give your pencil an awkward pencil-hug.
But alas, every pencil story doesn’t have a happy ending. Sometimes your last step won’t be a joyful reunion with your pencil, but instead a sad and unwilling defeat. After all, you have to give up and stop looking at some point, and just get a new pencil. Eventually, we all snap.
But even as you’re grudgingly sharpening up a new pencil, thinking about the vanished pencil that will never return, you stare off at the horizon, and dramatically intone, “Next time, elves. Next time.”
What do you do when you lose your pencil?
Post by bridget-starrs!