1. The ice cream man who kinda looks like Gothic Santa Claus. Those chimes blaring from the carbon monoxide factory called the ice cream truck are a summertime tradition. However, there seems to be a new guy making the rounds and he loves Skrillex just a little bit too much. Whatever happened to the white uniform, silly-hat wearing dude who looked like Don Knotts? The ice cream man seems to look more and more like he plays bass guitar for a speed metal band in Cleveland. I love my strawberry shortcake, but minus the eyebrow piercing and lip tattoo of a pentagram.
2. The beach family who smells a little too much like cole slaw. A day at the beach is a day in tranquility. That is, until it gets ridiculously crowded and you're fighting for space like Scott Pilgrim fought for Ramona. No matter how much you plan your trip you'll inevitably get surrounded by all walks of life at the beach. The worst of the worst has got to be the family of 7 who have so many issues with personal space that you start to think they're about to adopt you. And to make it even more uncomfortable, they've decided to have a 14-course picnic that practically stretches on to your towel. Nothing goes better with side salads like a hot summer sun to bring out the stench of warm mayonnaise. Yum!
3. The camp counselor who is obsessed with the Wizard of Oz and only speaks in quotes from the movie. We love The Wizard of Oz! It's a classic. Honestly, though, it's a little strange when you land that job at a summer camp and one of your co-workers is too obsessed. A little girl just scraped her knee—a line about courage from the Cowardly Lion is the last thing she needs. In fact, she's crying pretty bad. How 'bout some peroxide, a band-aid, and a reality check that quoting a movie gets creepier and creepier the more you do it.
4. The 12-year-old girl/exchange student from Ireland who knows Judo and is living with your best friend for the summer. Um, yeah. We don't exactly know the ins and outs of the Student Exchange program. It seems to take place every summer with at least one family. What we do know is that it's usually a kid who seems like a character right out of a Nickelodeon cartoon. In this case, be the bestest of besties with this girl. She's redheaded and can lethally chop you in the throat.
5a. The guy sitting next to you at The Dark Knight Returns who insists he's Batman
5b. The guy sitting next to you at The Amazing Spider-Man who insists he's Batman
5c. The guy sitting next to you at Brave who insists he's Batman. Why do you keep sitting next to this guy?