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Blogging Disney: Sleeping Beauty

Blogging Disney: Sleeping Beauty

By Scott Greenstone

So last week's post raised some hackles and showed me a nice dividing line between dog people and cat people. Dog people like Lady and the Tramp, cat people like The Aristocats. Fox people like Robin Hood. (Go fox people!)

Here's some of my favorite comments:

PensivePensieve (obviously a rat person) said:

"12. Why would a rat attack a baby?" Oh dear, here I go ....

It's that time folks, it's *Rat Facts*, with Pensive Pensieve! The majority of rat bites in a 22-year study (http://www.pediatricsdigest.mobi/content/104/3/e35.full) were inflicted on babies and children under five years. They typically occur between 12 AM and 8 AM, while the victim is in the bedroom, and are most common in the summer and early fall. By far the most bites were on the face and hands. And once you've been bitten, you're more likely to be bitten again. Finally, although rats 'often prefer dead rats to other foods,' there's another food that they enjoy even more and after they've tasted it, rats 'develop a real craving for fresh human blood.'

This has been *Rat Facts* with Pensive Pensieve, I'll be here all night, folks. And remember: just because it's summer doesn't mean you can't find anything to irrationally worry about!"

EveryOtherUsernameTaken (dog person) said:

"'And your friends will call you The Wagster.'

If you're willing to skin a dog alive, you probably don't have any friends."

sppowell (Lion person? Or spaghetti person?) said:

"I hate the part where they put the dog down. It's so happy and then you hear the yelp...awww. The happy parts are nice and I love spaghetti, but the sad parts make me want to walk into my closet and bang on the back wall until they let me into narnia."

And now, on to today's event: Sleeping Beauty! DISCLAIMER: Anything I say in this post does not reflect on my like or dislike of the film. I like Sleeping Beauty, but I want to hear your answers to some of these giant questions! Here they are.

1. Do most fairies wear hoopskirts? Usually they're more skanky.

2. Does this mean before the gifts were given her, Aurora was going to be ugly and tone deaf? Flora and Fauna gave Aurora the traits of beauty and song. So, assuming they didn't give her traits she already had, why not give her something more awesome...like freeze breath! Why not give Aurora the power of elbow spikes? Or make her a super-powered magician, like the anti-Maleficent?

Actually, I know the answer to this question: it's way easier to find a rhyme for song than it is for freeze breath. So really, the question is: Why are the fairies so lazy?

3. Why do witches always have birds? They're like crazy bird ladies.

4. Didn't King Stefan's decision to burn all the looms plunge the nation into economic distress and a dependency on foreign textiles? Oh, King Stefan.

5. What are Maleficent's cronies? Goblins? Mutants? Crossbred humans, leftovers of that genetic experimenting fad Maleficent went through?

6. And why weren't status updates on the manhunt happening, like at least yearly? Maleficent sends the crossbred bug-eyed bird thingies to go find Aurora, and...checks up on them monthly, saying "Hey! How's the hunt going? What can we do better? How can we zero in on this girl, guys? Work with me! Let's maximize efficiency." Right? NO! She sends them out and checks on them, not months, not even one year, but sixteen years later!

7. It's revealed that Flora, Fauna, and Meriwether can't cook or sew. How did they live in the woods for sixteen years without cooking or sewing? Was there a Super Wal-Mart nearby? I hope so. Their Captain America frisbee shields are on sale.

8. Why don't the fairies try and break the news more nicely to Aurora? "Hey, he just met you. And this is crazy. But you can't love him! So stay happy, maybe!"

9. Why is the scene where Maleficent hypnotizes Aurora so creepy? The music is the worst thing. And would you say it's the creepiest scene in Disney?

10. Why does Maleficent want Aurora dead so bad anyway? What does Aurora's death profit her? Is she trying to get back at Stefan? Did Stefan once long ago borrow her watch and wear it in the shower? Methinks we need some backstory. Why does she go to such lengths to keep Sleeping Beauty asleep? Does she have no life?

11. Couldn't putting every upstanding citizen in the kingdom to sleep put the country in jeopardy? I didn't see the fairies go through the jails. Or, if they did, what if a criminal is escaping from another kingdom and finds this land of unlimited looting! Better yet, he tells King Stefan's enemies about the mass siesta and they invade...

12. Why does Maleficent keep Phillip alive? Just to torture him? Seriously, her plan is completely foolproof unless he escapes. He is the one thing that can turn the tables, and she...leaves him alone in a normal prison. With no guards. I don't think Maleficent is stupid. I think she's just lazy. Even more so than the fairies.

13. If the fairies can only use their magic to create "joy and happiness," then how can they give Phillip a sword? Swords don't bring joy and happiness.

14. If this is the 14th century (as many characters state that it is) where's the Black Death?

15. Does anybody else think Sleeping Beauty should get an epic treatment a la Snow White and the Huntsman? It would have backstory. It would have wars. It would have the fairies giving Snow White freeze breath and Hulk rage powers. Yes?

Why Kids Should Watch This Flick: Despite the rather large questions that go unanswered, this film is fun and very epic. And that's all. Yay!

Next week: One Hundred and One Dalmatians!

What do you think of Sleeping Beauty?

Topics: Life
Tags: cartoons, movies, princesses, disney, disney princesses, blogging disney, kids' movies, childrens movies, sleeping beauty

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About the Author
Scott Greenstone

I write freely.

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