Let's All Buy Retro Bikinis And Be Fabulous
If you've been browsing for swimwear lately, you may have noticed that some of the latest bikini sets include absolutely enormous bikini bottoms. High-waisted, low-cut, right-out-of-a-Slim-Aarons-photo b0ttoms. Retro bottoms! Because yes, back in the day, wearing a bikini to the beach meant exposing a lot less flesh—particularly in the belly area, where instead of having your whole entire navel hanging out for the world to see, the bottoms exposed a mere strip of skin on your upper abs and left all the rest to the imagination. And because I'm a sucker for all things vintage, and because I was really and truly curious about what it might be like to wear a two-piece bathing suit without spending the whole time self-consciously sucking in, when I came across one of these high-waisted bikinis on the Topshop site... I bought it.
And you guys. YOU GUYS. This isn't the first time I've worn a bikini on the internet, okay, but it is the first time that I've been so excited about it that I can barely sit still long enough to type out a coherent post. Check it:
I wore this suit on a trip to Mexico last month, and, no exaggeration, I have never felt so glamorous in my entire life. There's just something about this silhouette that makes you feel dressed up, despite being in a bathing suit—I actually pinned my hair up and wore lipstick by the pool and called everyone "Dahhhhhling," that's just how fabulous this bikini is. And if you've been debating giving the whole retro two-piece thing a whirl, know that there are plentiful arguments in favor of doing so. For instance:
- No adjusting! Once you've got this thing on, it is on. No need to re-tie your strings after a swim, no need to hide behind a palm tree and pick your wedgie, this suit stays put like a boss.
- You can eat! OH MY GOD YOU CAN EAT. The high-waisted bottoms hold everything in and smooth it all out. I put away three tacos while wearing this suit, and you could not tell.
- Compliments! The only person who loved this bathing suit more than me? Everyone else. Even though the retro bikini is much more modest than most contemporary two-pieces, total strangers kept coming up and complimenting me on my daring style.
- Birds! Wear this bathing suit, and birds will hang out with you. As you can see clearly from the above picture. ...Okay, no, I'm kidding. Somebody had parrots on the beach and you could take a picture with them for 100 pesos. But still, this photo wouldn't have been half as fun if not for this bathing suit.
Would you wear a retro bikini this summer?
Related post: The Illustrated Guide to Conquering Bikiniphobia