Inappropriate Summertime Crushes
Unless you're starring in a movie musical about life on the boardwalk, your love life is about to get boring. All your school-year crushes are heading to lacrosse camp, or their basements, where they'll be playing Diablo III and developing scurvy till September. But that's no excuse to start crushing on the guys below, just because they're the only ones around:
Camp counselor: Though the age difference between campers and counselors can be pretty small, this guy is still a sorta authority figure. Every time you think he might like you back, he docks your cabin twenty color war points for not obeying lights out. And if you try to share your contraband snacks with him, odds are good he'll confiscate them.
Dude at the skate park: All this guy wants is for you to hold his cell phone while he skates. His car smells like feet, and he'll be "borrowing" money from you to buy Slurpees all summer long.
Ice-cream man: Just because you say "The usual" and he hands over a Choco Taco, doesn't mean you have a deep soul connection. You'll always be competing for his attention with gangs of sugar-starved four-year-olds, and we think you should aim for a guy whose car plays songs that aren't "The Entertainer."
Friend's older brother: Joey is home from college, and he's looking gooood. But your friend's eyes double as flame-throwers every time she catches him teaching you guitar chords, so we advise you to take your drooling to more neutral ground.
Lifeguard: Unless you're also a lifeguard, in which case it's cute. Otherwise, this is too cliched! The lifeguard already believes he's a majestic sungod who all the ladeez are watching, and we don't want you to confirm his ego. Also, we're worried his name is Blaine, and that he'll use all your Sun In when you're not looking.
Guy operating the Ring Toss at the traveling carnival: This guy tends to...come and go, and we suspect he has a girlfriend in every suburb. Also he has more tattoos than dollars in his bank account.
Do you have an inappropriate summer crush? Spill!