Why Band Geeks Only Date Other Band Geeks: Strange Theories of the Musical Kind
Band geeks—or bandos, if you will—are everywhere. Perhaps you have known them, encountered them, or are friends with them. You, like me, may even be one of them. If so, you’ve probably heard some of the band geek stereotypes out there. And trust me, there are A TON of them-- some hilariously true, others not so much. You know what I'm talking about: the ones about those awesome hours-long bus rides (which often involve incessant singing, hilarity, pervertedness, and ritual sacrifice), or about how members of the band step in time to music even outside of class, or that what happens at band camp really does stay at band camp. The tropes go on and on.
But the biggest stereotype out there is this: all the band kids date each other. Why is this one so popular? It’s true. The band kids really do all date each other. Two of the drummers are dating, two of the clarinetists are dating, two of the flautists are dating, the baritone and the bassoon are going out, and the barry sax is the timpanist’s ex. I could go on and on. Heck, even my crush is a bando.
But why? While I cannot provide a definite answer, I will speculate with several possible explanations:
- Theory #1: The playing of musical instruments in synchronization causes the players to release band pheromones. These pheromones are directed solely towards other band members, and thus are detected, causing attraction.
- Theory #2: Aforementioned long bus rides and trips cause “bonding,” which brings members of the band closer. Much closer. A commonly-held belief, but I’m still putting my money on Theory #1.
- Theory #3: The various cycling relationships are tied into the Collective Unconscious. Or something. While the trombone and oboe player are dating, somewhere in the great unknown a composer is creating a trombone-oboe duet. Whether the relationship is an effect of the composition, or the composition results from the date, we’ll never know, but there is a definite connection.
- Theory #4: Instruments are secretly sacred objects used in musical courting rituals. That’s right, folks. We look like we’re playing beautiful symphonies … but we’re secretly reinforcing our, um, band ties.
- Theory #5: Inherent awesomeness. Band geeks are innately the coolest and sexiest people on the planet, and thus naturally hook up with fellow awesome people. What? I'm biased? Psh. Pish posh. Rubbish. Bollocks. Tripe. Codswallop.
Post by The-Legend-Of-Zorra!
Have you ever dated a band geek?