1. K-Stew having too much "fun.": the Snow White star was basically Queen of that freakin' show, but the nicest surprise was seeing her get totes redfaced when the camera cut to her bopping dorkily along to "We Are Young."
2. Where The Heck Are They, Part 1: Jennifer Lawrence??? She accepted her Best Female Performance popcorn via recording, but it just looked like she was in some hotel room, not fighting for her life against tween berserkers. Maybe she's still hiding from Cato (that dude is tall).
3. Adam Sandler dresses for the job he wants: Nice to see Big Daddy Adam giving his guest hosting duties the respect they deserve. Fun fact: He's been wearing that same orange t-shirt since Billy Madison.
4. Charlize Theron is apparently all-powerful IRL too: Look at how she beat up poor Michael Fassbender, and just because he recited a few scripted sexist blurbs! Though it would've been cooler if Charlize summoned an army of glass shard warriors from refuse in Russell Brand's dressing room instead of just bonking Mike on the noggin.
5. Johnny Depp rocks figuratively and literally, turns our: After playing "Gold on The Ceiling" and "Lonely Boy" with the Black Keys, Depp accepted a lifetime achievement award while simultaneously wearing a guitar and a cowboy hat. Yep. We'd let him buckle our swash on any tides.
6. My dad felt old when: Aerosmith introduced the Black Keys without playing a note.
7. I felt old when: The announcer said "From the cast of Total Recall" and some tiny girls who are not Arnold Schwarzenegger took the stage.
8. You will feel old when: you realize The Hunger Games owned Harry Potter in on-air awards 4:1 (it's aight - HP made up some ground online).
9. Where The Heck Are They, Part 2: Robert Pattinson??? K-Stew looked so lonely on that stage when she accepted the Best Kiss popcorn for Twilight (Ronmione got robbed, btw). Versatile actor as she is, K made do.
10. Fedoras are the new black: Russell Brand, Janelle Monae, Josh Hutcherson and Wiz Khalifa each modeled similar chapeaus onstage. This, apparently, is what Hipster Formal looks like.
11. Return of the Glamazon: We may need to add Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield to our list of nerdy power couples. She took home the first MTV Trailblazer award for her career as a snotty hottie in the likes of Superbad and Easy A. Meanwhile, her date and Amazing Spider-man co-star JUST finished his Tony-nominated run in Death of a Salesman on Broadway like, 24 hours ago. Good going, kids.
12. Shout-out to obscurity: Emma ended her acceptance speech with an almost imperceptible shout-out to personal trailblazer Chris Farley, saying "I kind of sound like I live in a van down by the river right now." Other rando shout-outs of the evening went to Dobby and Hedwig (via Emma Watson), Heath Ledger (via a near-tearful Christian Bale), and the Queen of England's Diamond Jubilee (via Russell Brand). Also, teen mom!
13. Where The Heck Are They, Part 3: The entire Harry Potter cast??? When HP won Best Cast—its only popcorn of the evening, btw—Emma Watson accepted the award for like, 200 people. The least Daniel Radcliffe could've done is send his patronus.
15. Is JGL a cop? In the new Batman, that is. At the end of the show we saw some spankin-new footage of Gordon-Levitt interrogating Cat-Woman while various parts of Gotham explode. We will accept all nerdy conspiracy theories in the comments.
16. The Tweeple have spoken: Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part One is the fan-elected movie of the year. Did you vote???