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The Perks and Perils of Dating a Jock

The Perks and Perils of Dating a Jock

If you're already a pretty athletic person, then dating a jock is a simple proposition. You can bond over your shared hatred of wind sprints, and then punch a nerd, and then you are legally married.

But if you're a nerd, and you find yourself attracted to a jock, what then? If the two of you go out to a fancy restaurant, will you order the Venetian quail prosciutto, while he orders a plate of footballs? Will he, to your frustration, remain super-hot while he does so? Maybe and yes. Here are some other considerations to keep in mind.

Perk: The jock's athleticism keeps him in great physical shape. You could play his abs like a xylophone. Unless he is an offensive lineman or the captain of the competitive pie-eating team, which are basically the same thing.
Peril: Other people have noticed his attractiveness as well, and will constantly try to confuse him into sexy scenarios. "Let's not not make out," some girl will say to him. "But I'm... huh??" he'll retort, entrapped by her grammatical wizardry.

Perk: His physical prowess makes him confident and headstrong. Some boyfriends would dither for weeks over what to get you for your birthday, then finally present you with something stupid, and be all apologetic about it. The jock will still give you something stupid, but he will be dang sure it's the coolest thing in the world, and it will be very endearing. "I FOUND THIS TUBA," he'll shout, handing you a tuba with a big clumsy bow on it.
Peril: Physical injury. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I LOVE YOU LIKE BICEPS," he will add, crushing you to death with a bear hug.

Perk: Most jocks are ten kinds of nutritious, at least where protein is concerned. His diet will incorporate only the finest whey isolates and panther enzymes (or, if he is a wrestler, the finest nothing and nothing).
Peril: Nutritional elitism. "How can you eat that filth?" he'll ask you, aghast, as you eat a plain piece of toast. Then he will punch it until it is toast dust.

Perk: You will never again have to fake your way through understanding the Super Bowl, because the jock will be available to explain it to you. "The quarterback should have been less stupid," he will sagely explain.
Peril: If a new exhibit covering the art of the early French symbolists opens up, and you ask him to go with you, he will immediately jump out the window and disappear forever. A few days later a boy with an incredibly similar name, wearing a fake moustache, will appear to school, and pretend not to know who you are.

Social Life
Perk: The jock will be an outstanding conversation piece to show off to your friends. "This is my boyfriend, Chase Muscleface," you'll say, and Chase will flex hello, tearing his shirtsleeves in the process. "Aw nuts," he'll say, because he forgot that he could do that.
Peril: Chase may be unavailable to flex on command if his sport requires him to run speed drills until Barf O'Clock.

Topics: Life
Tags: relationships, sports, dating, nerds, jocks, perks and perils

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