Neon: You're Doing It Wrong
We're not really sure who decides these things (the Capitol? Anna Wintour?), but neon is the new black. Or the new white. Or the new plaid. We're not exactly sure, but we do know that these retina-burning hues are coming for you. Neon is everywhere, from your watch to your nails to your purse to your shoes to your makeup. We like it because neon is FUN! and YOUNG! and FRESH! and IN YOUR FACE, GRANDMA AND PEOPLE WITH COLOR BLINDNESS!
But if you're wearing neon in all five of those places, you're doing it wrong. Yes, there are some people who can pull off neon from head to toe. But you're not Nicki Minaj. Like anything else bold in fashion (for example, animal prints), it works best when used sparingly (think: paired with neutrals or on accessories). It should be a pop, not an explosion that takes out three city blocks. Here's how to tell you're wearing too much neon:
- People passing you on the street start to stumble around like they are temporarily blinded.
- You are reading a book, and it bursts into flames from the glare of your shirt.
- When you look in the mirror and turn away, you see black spots. Or nothing at all.
- People are using the pinhole telescopes they made for the transit of Venus to have conversations with you.
- When someone takes a picture of you, the camera explodes.
- Your friends have started applying sunscreen before hanging out with you.
- When you lean up against the window of your local sub shop, you disappear.
- The air around you starts to buzz and crackle.
- Mosquitoes are flocking to you, then falling dead at your feet.
- You receive a call from NASA.
Are you in on the neon trend? Do you think fashion rules were made for breaking?
Related post: Dan's High School Style