JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT IS IN A NEW MOVVVVIIEEEE

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Is it professional to write a title in all-caps and then blatantly misspell the word "movie"? Of course it isn't. BUT DOES PROFESSIONALISM REALLY MATTER WHEN JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT, SWEATER-VEST-WEARING PRINCE OF MY HEART, IS IN A NEW MOOOVVVIIIIEEEEE?!?

Nope. And this isn't just a regular movie, either, butts. In this movie, our dream boy is a bike-riding, devil-may-care HOTTIE-POTATIE (pronounced "poh-taw-tee" for all you newbies) with the chiseled calf muscles of a Greek god and two-wheeler moves of an X-gamer. I tend to think of bicycles as rather, shall we say, geeky—but put JGL on the back of one and it becomes just about the sexiest transport option I've ever seen. The man's got a face on him that could make a cupcake car look like a Ferrari—but y'all don't need me to tell you that. Press play and get your Joseph Gordon-LOVIN' on (heyo, just made that up right now! One million Dagger points for MYSELF.)

Super-special sweaty Dagger note to unjellify for her hilarious comment on my post about Jeremy Renner's new Bourne Legacy flick: jelly, I officially rescind my "dibs" on Mr. Renner, bow to your prior claim, and salute your most excellent use of an LOTR reference. I'm thinkin' you, me, JRen, and JGL should all go on an imaginary helicopter ice-cream double date (in which we ride around in a helicopter whilst eating ice cream). I'll have my manservant Joffrey set it up post-haste. (EGADS, DOES MY DELUSION KNOW NO BOUNDS?!)

Have you ever seen anyone look so adorable in a monstrously over-sized bicycle helmet? Oh JGL, you slay me.

Photo from SplashNews