6-Year-Old Gets Her Own Show
Pint-sized sass machine Alana Thompson singlehandedly redeemed the barf fest that is "Toddlers and Tiaras" with her big belly and her "honey boo boo chile." Now she's getting her own show!
We hear what you're saying: "It's exploitative to put young children on TV and watch them spaz out on Mountain Dew for our entertainment." To that we say, you're definitely right, BUT:
Alana will be good for our nation's soul. She has a healthy zest for competition ("Those other girls are crazy if they think they're gonna beat me, honey boo boo child"). She is an unabashed capitalist ("A dolla makes me holla, honey boo boo.") She proudly squinches her belly fat between her hands and says she's going to show it to the judges, which suggests she's already aware of how insane and disgusting the world of child pageantry is. When those judges don't award her the crown she so richly deserves, she doesn't let it get to her ("Those judges don't know a good thing when they see it"). Basically, she's a spunky young lady and natural comedienne, and although we hate ourselves for it, we can't wait to watch her show.
We hope "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child" will chart Alana's gradual realization that her mother is a monster, and her subsequent rebellion against the entire pageant world. Down with tiny children wearing slut machine outfits and eyelash extensions! Up with Alana! Who's with us??
Are you weirdly excited for "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child"? Do you think pageants are horror shows? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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