Girlfriends are so easy to shop for. You just have to get them the usual things—flowers, chocolates, promises you don’t intend to keep—and they’ll be happy. It’s much more difficult to find the perfect gift to send to your boyfriend. That’s why I’m here! It’s Faye’s list of the ten best and worst gifts to send to your long-distance boyfriend...
10. Best: A giant fortune cookie. Some company actually makes these! Plus you can write your own fortune with something cutesy like “I’m so lucky you’re mine” or “Confucius says ‘I miss you’.” Worst: A pony/poem. I asked my mom for help with this one and I thought she said pony, but she actually said poem. Your boyfriend won't enjoy either. Also, shipping on a pony probably costs a fortune.
9. Best: Something a little sentimental, like a picture of the two of you together or the ticket stub from that awful movie you saw. Anything small that brings back happy memories is sure to bring a smile to his face! Worst: Something overly sentimental. Anything hugely mushy will just get you a grimace—most guys like practical things, so a scrapbook that you spent weeks working on will get looked at once and then stored someplace where none of his guy friends will find it.
8. Best: A handwritten letter. I just finished Emma by Jane Austen, and what I took away from that book is that nothing is sexier than a well-written letter. Worst: A stuffed animal. Nothing says I love you like a bear that says “I love you,” right? WRONG.
7. Best: A Skype Date. You can watch a movie together, grab coffee, or just talk about life. Worst: Clothes. Your boyfriend is a big boy, he can dress himself. You really don't want to fall into Mother Syndrome.
6. Best: A love bean: I found this one online. It’s a bean that your boyfriend can plant and then once it grows, the leaves have “I love you” etched on them. Aww. Worst: A cactus. It screams, “Our love is as dry and barren as the desert.”
5. Best: A potato. My boyfriend once tried to convince me why a potato was the best present ever, and he made some valid points. It’s incredibly versatile—you can make a clock out of it, plant it and it becomes a gift that keeps on giving, or stick it in the microwave for 8 minutes and you have a delicious snack. Worst: A potato. I mean, it’s a potato. Unless your boyfriend has ever actually mentioned what a great gift a potato would make, sending him one in the mail will most likely just confuse the heck out of him.
4. Best: Cake. Who doesn’t love cake? Worst: His and hers anything. Cute in theory = your boyfriend will hate it.
3. Best: Actually any food will do. The way to a man’s heart, right? Worst: One of those homemade coupon books. You know, like the one you made for your dad in the 3rd grade with coupons like “Good for one free hug”? Yeah, there’s a reason your dad never actually used those coupons.
2. Best: You. If you can find a way to visit your boyfriend for a weekend, do it! Worst: Photo album of your future children. If you do this, you’ve entered into crazy territory. And it's totally creepy.
1. Best: Something that shows that you really know him. This one will require some thought. For instance, my boyfriend is a huge nerd. I know that his favorite Legend of Zelda game is Majora’s Mask. I also know that his dorm room this year was majorly lacking in any sort of personality, and his dorm room next year will likely be the same way unless I have something to do with it. So, I made a papier-mâché version of Majora’s mask for him to hang on his dorm room wall next year. Now, a creepy replica of an accursed mask from an old video game might not be a good gift for YOUR boyfriend, but it’s a pretty gosh darn good one for mine. Worst: Your left ear. Everybody knows that Van Gogh chopped off his own ear, but did you know that afterward he put it in an envelope and mailed it to his girlfriend? Yeah, PLEASE don’t do that.
What are your best and worst gift ideas for a long-distance BF?