Search Menu

There May Not Be Unicorns, But At Least There's the FRIWARDS!

There May Not Be Unicorns, But At Least There's the FRIWARDS!

CONGRATULATIONS, BUTTS: IT'S FRIDAY! And sure, it's miserable and rainy outside, but our hearts are bright and sunny on the inside! Why, you ask? Because it's a looooooonnng weekend and we are going to PAR-TAY. Or at least sleep in extra late.

By now, many of you may have noted that your unicorn didn't arrive. Well, we're sorry to say that due to some unfortunate, unforeseeable circumstances involving a very large stapler and a plastic harmonica, all unicorns are on back-order until July of 2037 at the earliest. We hope you'll accept our most sincere apologies regarding this delicate situation.

In other news, we're totally making the hidden message harder this time. Take that, you little smarty-pants! (Smarty-pantses?)

First off, a very happy birthday to naturelover100, HollytheKitty, and ThePensivePenseive

The Username of the Week Award goes to MustacheWarriorsUnite.

The Way To Be Resourceful Award goes to agentoboe for this comment on the YB post:

“I put pictures of Matthew Gray Gubler in my friend's yearbook, since she foolishly thinks that he is not attractive (SHAME!! SHAME!!), but I could not find a tape dispenser I used bandaids XP”

The Smarty Pants Award goes to thinkellen for her comment on this Auntie post, which totally blew our minds:

“Here's a fun fact for your mom! Children actually inherit *slightly* more of their intelligence from their mothers. Why? BECAUSE SCIENCE.

Intelligence is obviously determined by not only environment, but also many many different genes, not all of which we know about. But we DO know that a couple of the many genes correlated with intelligence are located on the X chromosome, which people inherit from their moms.

This is also why there are slight differences in IQ between genders. NOT TO SAY that either guys or girls are smarter on average - that's not true; the average IQ of males and females are pretty much equal. What *is* true is that male IQs are more dispersed - i.e. a greater percentage of males have either relatively high IQs or relatively low IQs. This is thought to be because guys only have one X chromosome, which determines everything for those couple X-linked smarts genes. Girls have two X chromosomes, and each copy shares in the genetic input for intelligence.

Y'all who have studied sex-linked inheritance patterns (such as some types of color blindness) know what I'm talking about, right?”

The MWAH HA HA You’ve Been Indoctrinated Award goes to Café_Mocha for her comment on the Call Me Maybe post:

“I hate this song so much that I'm actually starting to like it.”

The Crazy-Awesome Teacher Award goes to QuirkySpark for her comment on the teacher post:

“My history teacher is equally mad.
1. He collects flags and hangs them up around the classroom, and makes homophobic students sit underneath the gay pride flag.
2. He keeps a sword in the cupboard, as do the other history teachers, and we have been told they occasionally have sword fights after school.
3. He enjoys dressing up as a monk and Henry VIII
4. He is completely obsessed with badgers, to the extent he has claimed that multiple historians we have studied are either a) badgers or b) have kept badgers as pets
5. Once, our history class sneaked behind the gym with a mini camping stove, and we toasted marshmallows for an hour and made up limericks about the American west.
6. He has been known to hit people on the head with a foam mallet when they answer incorrectly in class
7. Every year to revise the entire Tudors course of history, we walk around our school, stop in various locations and sing songs made up about a section of Tudor history. We are known to invade other peoples lessons on order to do this.
8. We had a Roman history day that involved togas and learning how to march in formation holding fullsize Roman shields he had made. He then charged at our shield formation to see if we were doing it properly.
9. He tells us amazing life stories, like when he went hunting in Lebanon, when he wanted to be sheep farmer in Argentina, and how he made homemade soap one time. He will not, however, tell us what caused him to be fired from McDonalds.
10. He is very fond of accents for characters from history. His Henry VIII sounds like Santa Claus!”

The We Love The Way You Think Award goes to PlathAddict16 for her comment on the OT:

“I sort of want to hold Mumford&Sons hostage in the basement I don't have and force them to write me beautiful songs and poems.”

And LOL points go to the following Sparklers for their sheer awesome wit:

LuckyCharmsLizz for her comment on the Cinderella post:

“I like how she's been inside a castle all day errday talking to no one but mice and birds and has enough innate flirting skills to rock the prince's world to the point that he asks her to marry him the next day.

Jealousy? It's my maiden name.”

Telemachus2012 for her comment on the current events post:

“The only thing more hilarious than a comment war is when half the comments are predicting comments war, which causes people to complain about all the doomsayers, which causes a comment war”

Awesomelesslyness for her comment on Auntie’s job post:

“My friend once left her Facebook open while she was at my house. I sent this guy a message saying that she wasn't wearing pants and watched as he replied with shocked faces (:O) She was furious when she found out and insisted on clarifying that she was wearing a dress. XD”

Monokerous for her comment on the dream jobs post:

“Real jobs are overrated, I realized a few years back. Since then, I've decided I want to be a tree. Easy job right? No! I'll have to learn how to photosynthesize and multitask. This job comes with great responsibility too! What if I forget my role and breathe like a human the whole day? If I were a tree in a treeless town, I might just end up killing off the whole town! But at least I'll be doing what I love (no, not killing off lifeforms, but tree-ing.)”

ArinFlameSeer for her comment on the movie themes post:

“One does not simply hold a LOTR movie marathon. Its action scenes are guarded by more than just FX creatures. There is a DVD player there that does not sleep, but the watchers will. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with really late bedtimes and tired parents, the very movie you watch is a confused jumble of flashing swords and Hobbits. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.”

Dac213 for her comment on the YB post:

“I'll always remember the time you set fire to the rain (couldn't resist)”

Ininap for her comment on the YA minorities post:

“Nicholas Sparks' books covers should all just be named White People About To Kiss.”

Augustnotapril for her comment on the summer post:

“no comments?


XTheInvincible for this comment:

“Why is it that every time I put "By Jove!" In a comment, that comment inevitably seems to get upvoted?”

My-Fair-Googie for this comment:

“Once my dad had a dream that he had too many Q-tips and he spent the whole dream trying to find somewhere to put them.”

And finally to all the Sparklers who made MadLibs on this post.

Congratulations to all the Friampions! Keep the comments coming, Sparksicles.

Related Post: The Friday Awards

Topics: Life, The Internets
Tags: awards, sparklers, sparknotes, the friday awards, sparklife, comments, friwards, sparklife academy, friday awards, friamions

Write your own comment!

About the Author
Jennifer Grudziecki

Jennifer Grudziecki is a writer, intern, and soon-to-be college graduate living in New York City. Her life goal is to be a space pirate, and maybe to write a book along the way. Follow her on Twitter @JennyGrudzy or on Tumblr at

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email