One of the hard things about writing this series is that I never know how Sparklers feel about each movie. Do they like this movie or do they hate it? Will they judge me if I say I wish Bambi's Dad was my dad? And what if I told them Bambi's Dad was my dad (reincarnated)? Are they tired of hearing about Bambi's Dad?
I thought other people might have my problems. So here's some of my favorite responses from last week's Cinderella:
"Scott linked to TV Tropes—why would anyone do that to us?! Doesn't he know how dangerous it is to get sucked into that website. People don't come back for days!
In other news, I like that this wasn't just an incessant bash-fest because *anyone* can make fun of Cinderella and the other princess movies, but this was actually amusing and made me want to go rewatch all of the Disney movies right now!"
"The slippers stayed because the fairy godmother doesn't want Cinderella to feel like she only dreamt of the whole encounter (the memory can be a funny thing) so she leaves them as a sort of memento of the night...
Coincidentially, Fairy Godmother and I are best friends... ;D"
"I love a good number of Disney movies, it's just Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty that bug me"
So, everyone is cool with Alice in Wonderland? Great, let's get on with it, then.
I hope everyone's seen or at least knows the story of Alice in Wonderland; I think I must have watched it hundreds of times when I was a kid, and the scary part is I have no idea why. It's not by any means my favorite Disney movie, but I don't dislike it. Here's what I wonder about the movie:
1. Is the woman Alice's mother or her tutor? The lady reading to Alice in the beginning represents Victorian austerity, but is she Alice's mom or is she a tutor? Alice never calls her Mom. She calls Alice "child," but that's hardly an endearing term.
2. If flowers had powers, would that be cool or lame? Alice sings "In a world of my own, | all the flowers would have very extra-special powers, | they would sit and talk to me for hours..." But normal magic flowers can do that. I'm thinking a flower who gets injected with the Captain America serum! In fact, we could even have a super-flower team: The Flowervengers! Captain Hydrangea! The Mighty Tulip! Iris Man! And The Incredible Hibiscus!
3. Why does Alice want to find out where the White Rabbit's going? I know philosophers have discussed this for ages, but I want to add my two cents: if Alice can find out where the White Rabbit is going, she feels perhaps she'll get a sense of where her life is going.
4. If two balding gingers dressed like little boys stopped you in the woods and hampered you from leaving, wouldn't you spray them with mace? Yet Alice actually stays around. No street smarts in that girl's head.
5. When the Walrus eats the oysters, why don't you hear them screaming? And how come the Walrus has legs? Is he more highly evolved than other walruses?
6. Why does Alice get mistaken for so many things she is not? Alice is always accused of being something she's not. In this film she gets mistaken for a monster, a weed, a serpent, Mary Anne, a queen harasser, and somebody who's more than a mile high. In fact, more than half the characters she meets call her something she's not. Alice just wants to be accepted for who she is. This is the theme, no?
7. Why is this line so awesome?
8. If those card-guys are doing a covert operation (painting the roses red), why are they singing about it? If I was doing something considered treason, I would be loading my Magnum, putting someone on watch, and making sure I could make a clean getaway (but loading the bushes with C4 so there's no evidence if I am caught). I would not be singing and painting the freaking lawn as well as the flowers.
9. Why is the Queen of Hearts also the ruler of the clubs, spades and diamonds? Did she subjugate them with military force? Was there a big Suit War we didn't know about? Now that would make a great prequel.
10. Stop me if I'm wrong, but isn't the Queens' thirst for card blood actually the fault of the card society? Because, if you'll notice, every time the Queen shouts "Off with his head!" the cards not only shout and cheer, they also start singing. Who knows, but her behavior might just be the product of a chronically murderous society and not really her fault at all? And why isn't the Queen a card? Did she murder the pureblood queen (or pure-cardboard queen)?
11. Is the only way to communicate with the Queen shouting? Because the only one who actually gets his point across to her is the March Hare, who shouts right back at her. Also, she instructs Alice in the beginning of her liaison in Cardland to always shout "Yes, your majesty!"
12. If our Disney parenting circle had a new member, (Alice's Mom-Tutor), would they meet the second Thursday of every month or the first?
Alice's Mom-Tutor: I just don't know how to get my child to concentrate on the history of Britain.
King of the Forest: Try to get her to focus on something more relevant to her life. Like goring a mountain lion with antlers. I know I wish my dad had been awesome enough to teach me that!
Evil Step-Mom: I'm just afraid my child will come back in ten years and tell me I sheltered her too much.
King of the Forest: Heck, I'd give anything to have a dad as great as I. In fact, I should invent a time machine from bird carcasses and mountain lion hide and a Native American shaman's finger and travel back in time and become my own father. Then I could teach myself how to be more awesome than I am!
Alice's Mom-Tutor: I'm just afraid that when Alice's married, she won't be able to recite the lineage of the Earls of Mercia. That sure turns her father on.
King of the Forest: Unfortunately, that much awesomeness would cause a cosmic paradox—how can I teach myself to become more awesome if that would, then, make me exponentially more awesome, therefore teaching my younger self to become even more awesome, therefore making me even more awesome...
Evil Step-Mom: Excuse me, but you're a deer. Can you even spell the word "paradox?"
King of the Forest: Madam, I don't spell it. I live it.
Next week: Peter Pan!
What do you think of Alice in Wonderland?
Related Post: Blogging Disney