Grad party season is almost upon us, and all good grad parties are concocted with the same basic recipe of attendees:
Family members of the graduate: You’ll have the normal ones that bequeath upon the graduate money and presents. Then you’ll have the crazies that hover in the darkest corners of the party, crunching potato chips and scouting for a target. Watch out—they’ll always be there, looming over your shoulder, ready to ensnare you in the clutches of their disturbing conversation.
Close friends: These are fixtures at every grad party. They’ll be hanging out with each other on the sidelines, watching with amusement as their graduate friend flails gracelessly in the spotlight.
People who are just there for the food: You can spot these people because they’ve glommed onto the refreshments table and won’t be leaving it anytime soon. They consume about five times as much food as everyone else, and they do not so much eat those potato chips as they defeat them. Once they’ve polished off far more than their fair share, they’ll wait until the graduate is occupied and then scoot out the door with as many mini-sandwiches and cans of Pepsi as they can fit under their shirt.
People who were clearly dragged there: Unlike the people who are just there for the food, these people trail listlessly from the refreshments table to their seat and back again, just waiting to make an escape. Their only reason for being there is to fulfill an obligation. Once they’ve satisfied an unspecified time quota and made polite chitchat with the graduate, they bolt for the exit.
Miscellaneous adults: You’ll see these milling about—they might be teachers, neighbors, or friends of the parents. By definition, these people are pleasantly boring because the objective is to invite miscellaneous adults based on their propensity to not cause scenes. They don’t add a lot of flavor to the party, but every good grad party has them.
Have you attended any graduation parties yet? What kind of potato-chip crunching crazies did you run into?