Makeup Advice From Someone Who Knows Nothing About Makeup
Makeup! You probably have some. That mysterious bag of pots and tubes with labels claiming to smooth, highlight, or lengthen various parts of your face—who knows what's going on in there? Maybe you totally own this whole makeup game, were curling your eyelashes in the womb, and are one of the three people on the planet who know what bronzer does. Or maybe you have no interest in makeup at all and only clicked this post hoping that it was actually about an ironic new band. You guys should all go get some ice cream together and leave us to it.
If you're like me, and think makeup is kind of fun but completely unfathomable, and you end up just faceplanting into a box of crayons and hoping for the best, then stick around. I will be teaching you some tips and tricks I've learned through random trial and error. These tips are completely unsanctioned by the Makeup Police, but that's okay, because there's no such thing as the Makeup Police, and you can actually do whatever you want!
You know when you pull the mascara wand out of the tube and it has that blobby bit on the end? Dab the blob on the very ends of your eyelashes. Then take the wand and wiggle it gently back and forth as you draw it through your lashes. Imagine your eyelashes are teeth, and you are brushing them. This wiggle technique stops your mascara from clumping (but may cause you to have nightmares in which teeth are growing out of your eyelids). The blobby bits will spread out evenly as you wiggle the brush through them, and make your eyelashes look super long.
Did you know, that when you buy a little palette of 3 or 4 shades of eyeshadow, you're supposed to use all of the colors at the same time? Did you also know, that if you look at your eyelid in the mirror, the natural shadows and highlights will tell you where to put the different colors? Neat, huh? Start with a layer of the lightest color all over your eyelid. Then use the next lightest color in the triangles in either corner of your eye, and blend the two colors together. The third color goes in the crease at the top of your eyelid. If there's a fourth color... well, I'm not really sure. I think some clever people brush it along their eyelashes, or you could always paint a thick line right down either side of your nose.
Concealer (and pimples)
According to a lady I met in the makeup aisle of the supermarket when I was 15, concealer would help me with the bags under my eyes but wouldn't cover up "all those pimples." Thanks, random supermarket lady, for making me feel great about my face! But she had a point. Concealer goes a bit weird when you put it on top of reddish pimples. You can buy green corrector to apply on redness underneath your regular concealer, or you can do what I do and put a tiny (TINY!) amount of matte brown or green eyeshadow (not shimmery, I repeat, NOT SHIMMERY) on top of the pimple, then brush most of it off, and then apply concealer, then a light layer of powder over the top. This method takes some practice, but can work really well.