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Moms vs. Teens: A Lexicon of Misunderstanding

 Moms vs. Teens: A Lexicon of Misunderstanding

By Melissa Albert

Mom superpowers include supersonic hearing, the ability to see through their children's BS, and a couple of cute vests from the 80s hidden somewhere in their closets. But it's the hearing that's really impressive. Here are a few examples of how mom ears, which are actually insured by NASA, can translate the most innocuous statements into a groundable offense:

1. What you say: "I'm going to the movies."

What your mom hears: "I'm going to a darkened room filled with hormones and boys."

2. What you say: "I'll clean my room tomorrow!"

What your mom hears: "I'll string you along with vague promises about cleaning my room until I finally leave for college and you give up."

3. What you say: "Dad already said yes."

What your mom hears: "I assume you won't walk all the way across the house to confirm whether this is true."

4. What you say: "Thanks for the new shirt, but it's just not my style."

What your mom hears: "No matter how hard you try, I will never stop wearing thrift-store pants, and I'll probably wear this 50-cent vintage Styx T-shirt on my wedding day."

5. What you say: "I'm going out, I'll be back before midnight."

What your mom hears: "I'm going out, I'll be back before our suburb's satanic mass begins...unless my car breaks down on a deserted road at 11:59."

6. What you say: "Don't you think I'm a little too old for (family activity/clothing item/entertainment)?"

What your mom hears: "Your baby's not a baby anymore. Commence with the tears."

7. What you say: "I'm just not that hungry."

What your mom hears: "...because I used the gas card you gave me to gorge on Funyuns and peanut M&Ms at the Mobil."

8. What you say: "(Sibling) started it."

What your mom hears: "This fight started when you decided to have multiple children, and it will end when we're dead."

Topics: Life
Tags: parents, superpowers, moms, funny things, mother's day, misunderstandings

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.