Moms vs. Teens: A Lexicon of Misunderstanding

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Mom superpowers include supersonic hearing, the ability to see through their children's BS, and a couple of cute vests from the 80s hidden somewhere in their closets. But it's the hearing that's really impressive. Here are a few examples of how mom ears, which are actually insured by NASA, can translate the most innocuous statements into a groundable offense:

1. What you say: "I'm going to the movies."

What your mom hears: "I'm going to a darkened room filled with hormones and boys."

2. What you say: "I'll clean my room tomorrow!"

What your mom hears: "I'll string you along with vague promises about cleaning my room until I finally leave for college and you give up."

3. What you say: "Dad already said yes."

What your mom hears: "I assume you won't walk all the way across the house to confirm whether this is true."

4. What you say: "Thanks for the new shirt, but it's just not my style."

What your mom hears: "No matter how hard you try, I will never stop wearing thrift-store pants, and I'll probably wear this 50-cent vintage Styx T-shirt on my wedding day."

5. What you say: "I'm going out, I'll be back before midnight."

What your mom hears: "I'm going out, I'll be back before our suburb's satanic mass begins...unless my car breaks down on a deserted road at 11:59."

6. What you say: "Don't you think I'm a little too old for (family activity/clothing item/entertainment)?"

What your mom hears: "Your baby's not a baby anymore. Commence with the tears."

7. What you say: "I'm just not that hungry."

What your mom hears: "...because I used the gas card you gave me to gorge on Funyuns and peanut M&Ms at the Mobil."

8. What you say: "(Sibling) started it."

What your mom hears: "This fight started when you decided to have multiple children, and it will end when we're dead."