Moms vs. Teens: A Lexicon of Misunderstanding
Mom superpowers include supersonic hearing, the ability to see through their children's BS, and a couple of cute vests from the 80s hidden somewhere in their closets. But it's the hearing that's really impressive. Here are a few examples of how mom ears, which are actually insured by NASA, can translate the most innocuous statements into a groundable offense:
1. What you say: "I'm going to the movies."
What your mom hears: "I'm going to a darkened room filled with hormones and boys."
2. What you say: "I'll clean my room tomorrow!"
What your mom hears: "I'll string you along with vague promises about cleaning my room until I finally leave for college and you give up."
3. What you say: "Dad already said yes."
What your mom hears: "I assume you won't walk all the way across the house to confirm whether this is true."
4. What you say: "Thanks for the new shirt, but it's just not my style."
What your mom hears: "No matter how hard you try, I will never stop wearing thrift-store pants, and I'll probably wear this 50-cent vintage Styx T-shirt on my wedding day."
5. What you say: "I'm going out, I'll be back before midnight."
What your mom hears: "I'm going out, I'll be back before our suburb's satanic mass begins...unless my car breaks down on a deserted road at 11:59."
6. What you say: "Don't you think I'm a little too old for (family activity/clothing item/entertainment)?"
What your mom hears: "Your baby's not a baby anymore. Commence with the tears."
7. What you say: "I'm just not that hungry."
What your mom hears: "...because I used the gas card you gave me to gorge on Funyuns and peanut M&Ms at the Mobil."
8. What you say: "(Sibling) started it."
What your mom hears: "This fight started when you decided to have multiple children, and it will end when we're dead."