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The Best Passive-Aggressive Yearbook Signatures

The Best Passive-Aggressive Yearbook Signatures

By Melissa Albert

The breakdown of yearbook signatures goes something like this: 80 percent generic ("Math class was fun. Have a great summer!"), 10 percent inside jokes ("Bagel spoons, Professor! We need more bagel spoons!"), and 10 percent telling people what you really think of them. Passive-aggressively, of course! Here's how to slyly express months' worth of suppressed rage to your enemies:
1. The school newspaper editor who used a photo of you sneezing and laughing at the same time to illustrate a story about sleep deprivation: "Hey, Jennifer. Aren't seasonal allergies a B-word? We both know I suffer from them! But here's something only a few people know: you are deathly afraid of snakes. Why do I know this? I make it my job to know. Speaking of jobs, I'll be working at the snake house at the zoo this summer. I just love those cold-blooded, slithering little angels, and the way they fit so easily into my backpack. Have a great summer...and pleasant dreams."
2. The guy you suspect stole your gym shorts: "Dear Barth, Someone as obsessed with warm-weather clothing as you are should have no problem having fun this summer. But be sure not to eat too many ice-cream sandwiches, or else you'll have trouble fitting into a pair of girl's shorts! On another note, did I mention I have an undiagnosed skin condition? It's incredibly contagious and mostly affects my butt. Have a great summer at the dermatologist's office, you pyscho! Lol, jk. (Psycho.)"
3. The girl who constantly gave you the judgmental stink eye for no reason: "Hi Cindy—Though I didn't really know you, you clearly knew me. Don't believe people when they say that your face looks like a confused gerbil when you're judging people, because girl, you've just gotta be yourself! Good luck letting go of your concern over other people's business and having a nice summer!"
4. The guy who broke up with you via Facebook status update: "Isn't the Internet great? You can do all sorts of stuff on it, like go shopping, or break up with people who treated you a million times better than you deserved. The other day, in fact, I used the Internet to check out a few of your A+ papers on an online plagiarism site. And boy were your teachers interested in what I found! I know you were looking forward to lacrosse camp, but I have a feeling you'll be spending June and July right here."
Do you have any passive-aggressive yearbook signatures you're dying to use?
Topics: School, Life
Tags: high school, frenemies, yearbooks, funny things, signing yearbooks, passive aggressive

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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