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Stupid Reasons You Can't Go to the Prom

Stupid Reasons You Can't Go to the Prom

By Kathryn_Williams

Remember that time you got all excited for your junior prom? You saved for months to buy the tickets. You scoured the internet for the perfect dress. You booked your mani-pedi. You taught yourself how to do a smoky eye. You rented your llama. And then your school told you you couldn't go because you didn't have a date. That didn't happen to you? Well, it happened to this girl. (Guess who's not giving to the annual alumni fundraising campaign, Archbishop John Carroll High School?)

When we first heard about 17-year-old Amanda Dougherty and the bitchass school administration that banned her from her own prom simply because she would be flying solo (seriously, since when has Catholic school encouraged, let alone required, girl-on-boy contact?), we were all "how rude!" Aren't you kind of sending the wrong message here, folks? (Right message here.) Then the Archdiocese that made the decision explained, saying this, "[T]here are various reasons that a student would not be able to attend. Not having a date is one example." And we were like, "Oooooooooh, okay, I see. Reasons like these?"

  • The student's shoes are not strappy enough.
  • The student's dress clashes with the school colors.
  • The student's eye shadow does not have enough sparkle.
  • The student did not get his or her signature dance move pre-approved.
  • The student did not spell cummerbund correctly on his last vocabulary quiz.
  • The student questioned the Prom Committee's decorations co-chair about her selection of LOLCats as a prom theme.
  • The student wears too much black.
  • The student's last name starts with an X.
  • The student gave the Disney movie Prom one star on Rotten Tomatoes.
  • The student does not know the words to the Journey classic "Open Arms."
  • The student once gave Sister Mary Agnes lip.
  • The student forgot to book a hair appointment two months ahead of time.
  • The student is allergic to corsages and boutonnières.
  • The student's bowtie and/or vest does not match his date's dress (or vice versa).
  • The student refuses to assume the prom pose (man behind, hands on girl's hips, angled slightly forward, and chin up).
  • The student exhibits a little too much "pluck."

What do you think Amanda Dougherty should do on prom night?

Related post: What Will Those Wacky School Administrators Ban Next?

Topics: Guide to Prom
Tags: prom, news, school, stupid things

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About the Author
Kathryn_Williams

Kathryn Williams is the author of three YA novels but only one with an Oxford comma in the title. She is a Taurus and hates writing bios. Check out her website, www.kathrynswilliams.com, and follow her on Twitter @kathrynwauthor.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.