When we first heard about Ke$ha wearing a necklace her mother made from her ground-up placenta, we were kind of—what's the word—HORRIFIED. Or there was the time Angelina Jolie became famous for wearing a vial of her then-husband Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck. We were like, oh right, of course you're wearing someone's B-positive as a necklace. Why wouldn't you?
But then we realized... you know why people wear weird jewelry? Because they're sick of talking about their total lack of regard for the alphabet and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Weird jewelry is a conversation starter. Why else would someone wear a bracelet that could disembowel you or, you know, eye jewelry (yes, jewelry you put IN your EYE)? A Mockingjay pin is so yesterday (literally, we wore it yesterday). Sport this crazy bling—all available on Etsy (while supplies last)—and you'll be the life of the party in no time.
Moose Doo Doo Necklace
You: "Oh these? They're just a pair of real moose doo doo nugget earrings my great-uncle Ted who lives in Maine gave me for my sixteenth birthday. He mined the diamonds himself. And the poop!"
You: "It doesn't really make sense until I flick someone off."
Axe and Handsaw Earrings
You: "The last guy who asked me about these earrings is missing a pinky finger. Just sayin'..."
You: "You mean your deceased ancestors don't speak to you through your jewelry? Hmm. That's odd."
You: "Some people wear their heart on their sleeve. I wear my brain around my neck." *shrug*
You: "If I lick my fingers and touch my necklace and an electrical socket, I light up like a Christmas tree."
Crazy Statement Necklace
You: "This old thing? Oh, I just found it in the back of my closet."
You: "I fertilize once a week, but I have to water them twice a day."
Now taking orders!
Related post: The Time Kat Pierced Her Own Ears