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The Worst and Best Catcalls of All Time

The Worst and Best Catcalls of All Time

By Valerie Burn

"Blossoming" into an adult has many perks. You grow a little taller, lose some of that acne, and start to figure out what you want in life. Still, the more you start to look like an adult, the more creepy adults try to hit on you from cars and construction sites.

Most of these catcalls are harmless, at least physically. Psychically, it might haunt you for years— the thought of a hairy old dude who is probably friends with your dad telling you to “shake [some]thing” is particularly horrifying. Strangely, it never happens when you're dressed cute. It always happens in sweat pants and greasy hair.

Saying anything in response is futile. It will only elicit more hooting and hollering. So, we’ve compiled some of the worst catcalls we can imagine, alongside some slightly more pleasant ones (as far as catcalls go), for no reason in particular other than your enjoyment.

Without further comment, the worst catcalls of all time

  • Where’d you get those jeans? They look like my mom’s!
  • Is that Shredded Wheat in your pocket, because I would like to eat that pocket cereal!
  • Shake that booty like a can of V-8! Low sodium!
  • Dang, girl… or boy… or infant… WHATEVER YOU ARE, DANG!!!
  • Girl, you bangin’ like gym shoes in the washing machine!
  • I’ve got an itch you can scratch! I’ve also got dandruff.
  • You’ve infected me like an deadly and terrifying flesh-eating disease!
  • You’re like warm Mountain Dew: Still pretty good! Should be kept in the garage.
  • Yeah… pop that zit. Get it girl.
  • You’re so pretty I just crapped myself!

Slightly more effective catcalls

  • I would like to get to know you!
  • You seem very smart and interesting!
  • You have a tasteful sense of style!
  • Let’s talk on the phone sometime!
  • How can I get your father’s approval?!
  • Would you like me to come to the mall with you?!
  • I like to read too!
  • Let’s take things slowly and see how it develops!
  • You have a wise sensibility about you!
  • You’re like ranch dressing. You go with everything!

That last one really would make us melt.

Do you ever get catcalled? What’s the worst one you can imagine?

Topics: Life
Tags: annoying things, flirting, awkward situations, boys, ridiculous things, funny things, catcalls

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About the Author
Valerie Burn

Valerie Burn is a very cool Midwestern lady. She has lived in tons of exciting places, such as Wisconsin, Illinois, Minnesota, and Michigan. She spends her free time snuggling her beautiful, perfect dog Teddy, and reading the entire internet every day. Valerie enjoys eating things, buying things, and writing things, as well as watching terrible TV.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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