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Auntie SparkNotes: I Want to Make Out with My Boyfriend in Peace

Auntie SparkNotes: I Want to Make Out with My Boyfriend in Peace

Dear Auntie,
So, I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months now. He has only been over my house once and that was just to help me move some stuff into my room. There were other people there but then they left and we were alone in my room. We ended up just kissing with tongue for a while, but then we were called downstairs, so we sat on the couch alone for a little while just enjoying each other's company. Since then we've gotten more into making out, but only at the movie theater because that is the only place we can. I want to start having him over more to make out.

It would be great, perfect even, if he were allowed in my room. All I want to do is make out with him but you know how parents can be. We're allowed to go into this other kinda small room in my house that has a couch, but it also has clear doors and it seems nearly impossible to have a make out session where we're not a little bit scared someone will see us. How can I make this happen?

Ooooooh, a makeout conundrum! These are my favorite thing! So, okay, let’s see. You could:

A) Drive to a remote and/or unpopulated location and make out in the car.
B) Pay a friend to let you make out in her garage/basement/treehouse—and then pay her extra to not tell everyone what you’re doing.
C) Hike to the top of a mountain and make out at an overlook. (Bonus: Not only will you get to paw at each other unencumbered by parental intervention, but all that climbing will give you some seriously toned buttocks.)

Or, of course, there’s always option D: put on your Grownup Pants, take a deep breath, and ask your most reasonable parent for Boyfriend Bedroom privileges.

Because you’re right: I do, indeed, know how parents can be. And sometimes, believe it or not, what they can be is pretty pragmatic (if not necessarily enthusiastic) about the harmless inevitability of makeouts between horny teenagers—especially if one of said teenagers has just paid them the enormous compliment of trusting them enough to ask for permission.

Because while yes, there are some parents out there who truly believe that a teenage couple will never kiss, grope, or impregnate each other just as long as they’re denied access to the magical land behind the bedroom door, there are also plenty of parents out there who know how naive and misguided that sort of thinking is. Denying teenagers a convenient place to make out doesn’t stop the snogging and groping; it just forces it to take place in inconvenient places, and often at the expense of safety, good judgment, or the moviegoing public who didn’t realize that the seven o’clock showing of “Cabin in the Woods” would include an extra bonus soundtrack of rabid horny panting from the back row.

Which is something that smart parents recognize, and something that really smart parents take advantage of by letting the relationship happen in a safe, secure, and private-but-immediate location—knowing as they do that the more they trust their kids to handle a relationship responsibly, the more their kids will trust them with questions, worries, and information about their lives.

The good news: the fact that you have a boyfriend, that your parents have met him, and that you already have the go-ahead to be alone together (albeit behind a transparent door) tells me that you’re in a good position to negotiate for a teensy bit more privacy. Here’s how.

1. Set the stage. Knowing equals trusting, so if you’re not opening up to your parents about your life already, now is the time to start. The more they feel like they know you, the less they’ll worry about you doing god-knows-what behind closed doors. So make sure you’re talking to them on a daily basis, and when your boyfriend comes over, make sure he says a respectful hello.

2. Broach the subject. Pick whichever parent you’re closer to, ask if you can talk, and say something like, “Hey, now that you guys know Boyfriend a little better, I wanted to ask for permission to hang out with him in my room.”

3. Discuss. Be ready to tell the truth about both what you will be doing (i.e. kissing without an audience) and what you won’t (i.e. having sex). (Bonus points for making a faithful promise that if you were thinking of having sex, you’d come to them.) And if the parent in question says no, keep your cool and politely ask why not and what their concerns are, and whether there’s anything you could do to put their minds at ease.

Does asking for what you want guarantee that you’ll get it? Well, no... but not asking certainly guarantees that you won’t. And even if you end up no better (but also no worse!) off than you are now, you’ll still have put some goodwill in the bank for next time—because even if your parents don’t give you permission, they’ll appreciate that you were mature and trustworthy enough to ask for it. (And if, God forbid, they blow up at you, calmly point out that you were trying to do the right thing by being honest, and that you’d appreciate not being punished for trusting them with the truth.) So give it a shot! And with any luck, you’ll soon be making out freely in the privacy of your bedroom.

But if not... well, may your next movie outing be as unpopulated and free of underage witnesses as possible.

Are you allowed to have an S.O. in your bedroom? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

Related post: Why I'm Proud to Be Not-So NBK

Topics: Advice
Tags: parents, auntie sparknotes, kissing, privacy, making out, rules, makeouts

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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