By Chelsea Dagger Apr 19, 2012
I KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT YOU, BUTTS.
And it's not because I just spent 13 hours stalking your Facebook profile and memorizing even the most mundane details of your life (except for you, Stanley Dweebins of 184 Arlington Lane—I totally stalked the shizz out of you, and I think you should stop rejecting my friend requests and just let our love story happen. Or else.)
No, it's because an uncanny combination of brilliance, insight, and sweat allows me to determine every nuance of your personality—based solely upon which summer blockbuster you can't wait to see.
To find out what your most-anticipated summer blockbuster says about the innermost-workings of your mind and heart, click "Next"—and prepare to be struck DUMB with AWE at my alarmingly accurate analyses.
Except you, Stanley Dweebins. There's nothing for you here.