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Harry Potter Books That JK Rowling Should've Written (or Not)

Harry Potter Books That JK Rowling Should've Written (or Not)

By Brandon Specktor

The MindHut

Some of you already turned the enthusiasm up to 11 when we dropped the bomb about JK's forthcoming novel, The Casual Vacancy. Others, understandably, were a bit bummed that Rowling is now definitively moving on from the Harry Potter franchise. We're bummed about this too—that sort of post-breakup bummedness you get when you realize a meaningful relationship is over, but a new, excitingly different one will follow close behind.

So it was after some serious pondering in our SparkLife/MindHut Coed Closet of Meditation that we decided, you know, maybe it's for the best that we bid Harry a fond farewell now. It's a classy move on his part, bowing out in his prime, like Arrested Development, before outstaying his welcome and things get awkward, like The Office.

With Voldemort defeated forever and order more or less restored to the wizarding world, what would the next installments of the HP series even be about anyway?  We know from the epilogue that Harry, Ron, and Hermione eventually become Aurors for the Ministry of Magic and sprout lil' baby wizards of their own, but there's still a good 20 year gap of growing up that gets left more or less to speculation.

There were probably some pretty boring years in there for the gang. Then again, as the most famous wizard since Gandalf The Glamorous, Harry no doubt experienced his share of harsh moments in the global spotlight. Here are some titles we expect may have popped up in the lost years of Harry's life:

Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Tuition Freakout

Harry Potter and the Occupy Diagon Alley Movement

Harry Potter and the Hipster Eyewear Backlash

Harry Potter and the Summer That Would've Sucked Without Magic

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Puberty

Harry Potter and the Order of Onion Rings

Harry Potter and the Unforgiving Burrito of Qdoba

Harry Potter and the Embarrassing Fart of Ba'Zoot

Harry Potter and the Thousand Year Hickup

Harry Potter and the Westboro Baptist Showdown

Harry Potter and the Uncomfortably Detailed Fanfic

Harry Potter and the Forbidden Website

Harry Potter and the Half-Eaten Hot Pocket

Harry Potter and the Next Thing That Happened

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Sorcerer's Order of Deathly Fire Secrets

Harry Potter and the Stagnant Job Market

Harry Potter and the Unfulfilling Mall Appearance Circuit

Harry Potter and the Fugly Muggle Hug

Harry Potter and the Crippling Depression of Celebrity

Harry Potter and the Terrorist Allegations

Harry Potter and the PR Nightmare

Harry Potter and Blind Date From Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Great Custody Battle

Harry Potter and the Bulging Midriff

Harry Potter and the Unflattering Tabloid Cover

Harry Potter and the Night of Crying in the Shower with a Tube of Cookie Dough and Dobby's Photograph

Harry Potter and the Rocky Bottoms

Harry Potter and the Year of Rehab

Harry Potter and the Billion Dollar Comeback

Harry Potter and the Joy of Scientology

Did we miss any?

Topics: Books, Mindhut
Tags: harry potter, books, lists, jk rowling, funniest, books-and-comics

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About the Author
Brandon Specktor

Brandon is a writer and humor editor at Reader's Digest magazine. He was born in Tucson, Arizona, and wants to write a paranormal Western that begins, "First the cows turned up dead." What should the rest be about? Tell him on twitter @beardspeck.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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