We've just concluded Makeup Week here at SparkLife, and you know what that means: at this very moment, every SparkLife writer now looks more or less exactly like Charlize Theron and we will all be shortly quitting our jobs to pursue million-dollar modeling contracts. But wait! Because while you now know everything about transforming yourselves into pretty painted ladies—and men—and manladies!—you still need one more lesson in all things up-making: a warning slideshow, lest you make an unfixable mistake that ruins your face for all time. Read carefully, and you'll be ready to make up like a pro! Fail to read, however, and you will NEVER BE BEAUTIFUL.
Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.